Stuck

I'm uninspired right now. I have a lot on my mind, a lot of ideas and things I want to do. Things to organise, things that are only to be organised in the future and things that I want to finish.

Heremia is one thing I want to finish. It is time now. I want to try this evening, and hopefully by tomorrow she'll be done.

Some things are reaching breaking point. I don't know what the outcome will be. I can't see... I don't know where it's going. I'm almost afraid, scared of the outcome. It might tip too far over.

I'm stuck at work right now. My boss left at about midday, he's on leave until the 15th - a skiing holiday. I have work to do but I don't feel like doing it. It's a Friday afternoon... who feels like doing any work? It's not urgent work either, but I cannot go home. That's all I want to do. As I type this I'm starting to feel sleepy - a nap would be good.

I think I have found my wedding ring. I've printed a pic off the net - want to have it made up because you don't find this style in the shops at the moment - it's not in style right now. It's a nice simple ring, but it matches my engagement ring. G has to find his now, hopefully we can get them made up soon... we still have a lot of time but if we get things done sooner rather than later we have more time to enjoy ourselves closer to the time.

OH YAY so he PHONES IN and DICTATES MINUTES!!!!!!! It's 16:30 for fuck's sake!

And a proper blog post this time

I was online earlier, wanted to blog while G was still asleep. It was a beautiful, quiet morning and I'd just come back from my driving lesson - did parking and cos I hadn't done any parking for about a month I was rather rusty.

I got sidetracked, however, and by the time I'd finished reading all my addictions (livejournal, facebook, the pond, etc) G was awake and it was time to head off to his parents' place to fetch Dude. So I quickly posted the pic of Heremia and shut down.

Dude was at "the grandparents" from Thursday evening until this morning. For the AWESOMEST reason EVER: Rentokil came yesterday to DE-COCKROACH our place! ♥ I had previously arranged for pest control to come, but as detailed in a previous blog-post, they arrived 1hr late and it didn't actually happen. Rentokil was fantastic. The technician arrived on time, he was professional and friendly and did a very thorough job. He worked for about an hour and a half... we weren't gassed out, and he explained quite a bit to us. We currently have the entire kitchen unpacked in the lounge. It is quite cluttered and of course "disruptive" having everything out of place, but I'M SO HAPPY!! The disgusting offensive revolting UGH things are DYING! The guy sprayed stuff almost everywhere, and put dots of gel in special places that they'd go and munch it. Apparently it's delicious to them and kills them very quickly. Hell, while the guy was still busy there were already some dying! I'm so elated!! It's like a dream come true - I can see one now, and point at it and go MUAHAHAHAHA, safe in the knowledge that it's going to die very very soon :) ok so I'm evil... WHATEVER! :D

G and I went out for supper last night - to give the place a bit of time to "settle" (although there was hardly any smell at all). This morning was my driving lesson (as mentioned above), and then we headed off to G's folks to fetch the Dude. Stayed for tea and biscuits and enjoyed the chattering from both Dude, his uncle Pookie and the finches. Dude and Pookie even jointly made a wolf-whistle (can't remember which one but one of them did the up-note and the other did the down-note!)

Dude is happily back in his place in the lounge, tinkling his bell like usual.

Despite being a 4-day week, this week has been BUSY. Quite productive though - we managed to meet up with a decor/florist company (on Wednesday after work) which was great. I think we have found our people for the wedding! The other company hasn't got back to us, and it's already been 3 weeks. Their loss, I say.

We also went to the doc on Thursday - my feet have been itching like mad which seems to be a mad-outbreak of chilblains. Afterwards we dropped Dude off. And then Friday we had Rentokil over. YAY quite a good week.

As you can see from the previous post, Heremia is Coming Along. I really cannot wait until she's finished and I can take her to be framed. I'm really eager to start something new now - she's taken under a year - roughly 10months (if I finish soon). I really can't wait, I think I'll start on Gentle Strength next - the colours are totally different to both Warpony and Heremia (both mostly orange/brown) as Gentle Strength is 99% greys. I guess after all the grey on white fabric of Gentle Strength, the orange (and blue) on black of Golden Ice will be a good change, and then there's Motion which is mostly grey/cream on blue...

Before I start on Gentle Strength though I am going to do Damask Rose (purse), which is a kit G's mom gave me for Christmas. It shouldn't take long at all to do, and I've asked her to help me stitch it all together when I'm done.

What else is news in our world. Not much. The wedding plans are coming along. All that seems left to arrange is the cake, catering (and drinks), we have to find rings, and then the outfits have to be made/hired. Oh and transport to/from the wedding, and of course, the honeymoon.

The neighbour has been away for a while - we are so glad!!

G's parcels arrived from the online shop we use. Awesome! He'd ordered the Nemi book for me (it came back in stock at a time that I couldn't make a purchase). It is FUNKY... really love Nemi!

Ok I think I'm gonna post this and then GET STITCHING!!!!

Heremia

Nom Nom Nom

This just cracks me up EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Melancholy

For some reason I feel very melancholy this evening. I found this pic somewhere online, and it made me feel so sad for the past.

My grampa used to have a car like this, a maroon, automatic merc: right-hand drive, towbar, wood-panelled dashboard etc.

This pic takes me back to when I was small and pretty much in awe of the car. I must have been about 4 or so, maybe even 3. My cousin wasn't born yet so I was probably between 3 and 4. I remember how spotlessly Grampa would keep the car. It was polished and pampered and so well kept. It was really beautiful. The pic makes me remember it so clearly. The colours and textures, all the small details of the interior.

Then, after he died (when I was about 9 or 10), Gran moved in with my uncle and cousins. The car was left out in the garden, and my cousins played in the car and the sun destroyed the paint on the bonnet.

Uncle decided to move about 6 hours away, and he sold the car. After letting it fall into disrepair, it was probably sold for virtually nothing. It could have been sold years before, to someone who would have kept it and maintained it like it should have been. It could have been sold or given to my parents, although mom's thought is that they wouldn't have had the money to keep it and fix it if something went wrong.

I feel such sadness and regret about this car. I have dreamt of driving a similar (if not the same) car. It would have been great, to drive the car, to own the car, keep it like Grampa kept it. I would have cherished it. But it was wasted. Thrown away as if nothing, worthless.

I doubt I could buy a car like it, or one like the one my parents had... it just wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be that particular car, and I would never be happy. I guess I will (one day) buy a normal car - but what cars these days are any good? Well made, quality and worthwhile? Everything is plasticky and junky and not made to last. I couldn't feel dedicated to something like that.

The Cardigans - For What It's Worth

One, two, three, four

Hey baby come round
Keep holding me down
And I'll be keeping you up tonight.

The four letter word got stuck in my head
The dirtiest word that I've ever said
It's making me feel alright.

For what it's worth I love you
And what is worse I really do
Oh what is worse I'm gonna run run run
'Till the sweetness gets to you
And what is worse I love you!

Hey please baby come back
There'll be no more loving attack
And I'll be keeping it cool tonight.

The four letter word is out of my head
Come on around get back in my bed
Keep making me feel alright.

For what it's worth I like you
And what is worse I really do
Things have been worse
And we had fun fun fun
'Till I said I love you
And what is worse I really do!

For what it's worth I love you
And what is worse I really do.
Oh

For what it's worth I love you
And what is worse I really do.
Oh

For what it's worth I love you
And what is worse I really do....

Impatience...

There is too much I really badly want to do.

I haven't blogged in ages - things have been busy :D

I happened upon this funky webpage- a supermarket in Aus (Woolworths)... it's so exciting to think of the stuff we'll buy there, like breakfast, coke, pet food! EEEEEEEEK now I'm uber impatient to go there already!!!!!!!

I'm waiting (impatiently hehe) for stuff to arrive from the online shop I buy music and stuff from. Deluxe (2cd) Best of The Cardigans, Millennium Fever by Apollo 440, Try This and Can't Take Me Home by Pink, Hits and Rarities and Detours by Sheryl Crow, as well as D-D-Don't Stop The Beat by Junior Senior. CAN'T WAIT!

Things have been so busy lately, I'm so glad this weekend is a long weekend. Sat morning we're going to try go to the traffic dept to get G's address changed with them. We still have to sort out this damn security gate - I need to email the owners of our place to find out whether they are/were able to get a quote or whether we should just get our own quote. I'm also desperate to get pest control in to treat the cockroaches. I'm SO SICK of those disgusting things, I really can't take them anymore. They really are everywhere now. There was even one on our bedroom wall (upstairs!!) a few mornings ago. *hurl*

What else is news...

I need to go make tea asap - need tea!

We're waiting on quotes from a decor/florist company for the wedding. It's been 2 weeks.

Friday night past G and I met up with W&S, L&X and R&N for supper at a burger restaurant. Exotic kinds of burgers. Very yum, lovely place, except my food was wrong at first and then took AGES to be replaced! I was eating my meal while everyone was already done with their desserts. And the atmosphere at the place (between staff) isn't too hot. They're very impatient and disrespectful of each other, for eg they all work at the till for their own orders, and someone must have left his slip on the machine and the next dude tapped him impatiently on the shoulder and waved the slip in his face and the guy snatched it and chucked it on the counter (he was busy with something else at the time). Just not a great attitude towards each other, and strangely I find that that kinda thing affects how I perceive the place. It affects my dining-experience. I am left to wonder what it is that causes them to be so unhappy, is the pay bad? Are they overworked? What is wrong there?

Anyway, enough deep-philosophy stuff for now. Saturday we pretty much bummed and slept late (after I got back from my driving lesson). It was so nice - the neighbour and her evil satan-spawn were not at home, so we actually got to enjoy our place with peace and clean air. It was lovely, and it lasted all the way to Sunday evening - we got to sleep late on Sunday too! Bliss!!!!

Sat afternoon G and I went to different shops - I bought 4 snails and some plants for the fishtank. My other snails had died and the algae completely covered the front panel of the fishtank. The new snails have cleaned off almost the entire pane already! Yay for apple snails ♥

We also popped by a shop and I bought 2 boxes of Need for Speed Carbon - collectors' edition (PC DVD). Unfortunately, for some unknown reason, it won't play on my laptop. But luckily X lent me his copy of NFS Underground 2. It ROCKS... Ok I'm starting with a pretty cruddy car (a Nissan something blah), and I'm dying to get back into my bright yellow Mitsubish Lancer, but it's still fun! Just is weird (after playing NFS Carbon on the PSP and being completely immortal) that you can 'total' your car and lose a race because of it!

Sunday afternoon we popped over to L&X's place for stitchathon. G took his guitar and stuff with - X was having a guitar lesson. L, S and I stitched. Heremia is looking good, I just feel so impatient to start something else now and to have her framed up on the wall. L gave me charts that she's got lined up to do, a series of Zen ideas: balance, longevity, prosperity and wisdom. She has ordered the book so I can keep the charts. I've placed an order for the book too - then when I do eventually get round to doing designs from the book, I will most likely be in Aus by then, and we can do a kinda simultaneous stitching thing - showing each other our progress online. For now though I'm just eager to finish Heremia.

Hmm what else is news. There are rumours that 2nd May (Friday) will be given as a 2nd public holiday. 1st May is a holiday, and this Friday is both Good Friday and Human Rights' Day. So in order to compensate everyone, we *might* get the 2nd May off too. Rumours rumours, heard it on the radio this morning so might well happen!!!! Everyone at the office has already put in leave for the 29th and 30 April, and the bosses were going to make us take compulsory leave on the 2nd (which I'm annoyed about cos I'm saving my leave for the honeymoon!)... but hopefully we will get that day as a holiday - problem solved. I'm just not looking forward to being receptionist on the 29th and 30th April - YAYYYYYYYYY.............

That is all I can think of for now... will post again when the need arises.

Heremia!

Here's a pic of Heremia:

Day after my birthday :)

Lots to blog about.

First off: Pinkleaf has popped out an arm!

G's mom gave me 2 violet leaves in a pot a couple of weeks ago. One of them (a white violet) was 100% fine, the other (called pinkleaf - a pink violet) looked really damaged - dried out and the top half had gone crinkled and brown. I picked the dead bits off pinkleaf, and have waited in anticipation for the day that they'd put out some new leaves. The white violet almost straight away started putting out new leaves, but pinkleaf was hanging on, a half-leaf, soldiering on trying not to die. It's been like that for a good while now. The half-leaf never wilted, it stayed thick and strong. On Tuesday, I poked around in the soil around it, hoping to see signs of life. There was something there... it looked a bit like something that might grow into a leaf, but I wasn't sure. I covered it up again and left it to its own devices. This morning, pinkleaf has an arm! It popped out an arm! I'm so glad. It means both of them are going to be 100%. Once a few more leaves pop out (from pinkleaf) I'll transplant them separately in their own larger pots. YAY I'm so thrilled! I've been keeping G's mom in the loop with their progress, and we've both been rooting (!) for pinkleaf.

I have meeting minutes to type now. I really don't feel like doing them right now. I feel like blogging. I guess I should get started soon but I'm sure it's alright.

Things are carrying on, with X and Y. This whole erupted/erupting mess is still going on.

On Sunday we went to G's folks' place for tea. It was lovely seeing his gran again. His mom also gave us a whole stack of photo-albums for us to look through - I've been dying to see baby pics of G for AGES now and finally I got to see them. :D SO DAMN CUTE!!! It's so funky seeing everyone back then. G was such a blondy!

I worked on Heremia a few nights back. She's coming along so well, I really can't wait! I will stitch a bit more (maybe tonight) and take a pic.

Tuesday G and I left work early, to meet up with a florist/decor company. It was very tricky getting into their place off the road but we managed! It was nice though, had a very brief but intense chat. The main woman seems very visionary, "we can use this, and this, and this". Her office has a glass pane on the one side and while she was talking it seemed to me as if she was looking at different decor items in the next room. Only after a while of looking in the direction trying to see what she was looking at did I realise that she's not actually looking at these things, she's picturing things!!!! I felt a bit of a moron, it seemed so comically set up I felt as if she (or her assistant) were inwardly amused at my expense! But anyway, they're going to send their quote sometime (hopefully soon - we have no idea how much decor+flowers would cost).

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a good birthday, I think :D Didn't feel like going to work. We got up extra early to go buy cakes for the office before work, else I'd have had to go sometime during the morning.

Got a box of chocolates and a card from a colleague... Today she gave me 2 koala keyrings and a Sydney calendar - she said another colleague complained that she was giving gifts away ie it's bad manners, but she said she would rather give it to someone else who would want it/need it than throw it away wastefully. It's a lovely calendar and the koalas are cute. Just the sort of thing to get us started with Australiana! ;) I was looking at houses for sale in the Sydney area yesterday, and there are some pretty funky places out there! Makes me wish time would go quickly (next year etc). This year is going fast enough thank you very much!

G gave me a box of chocs and a packet of choccie sweets - my favourite! There's something else though which was delayed which is sposed to come today... Can't wait!!

G said he was planning something for my birthday supper, but it was a secret. I honestly had NO CLUE where we were going. He wouldn't give me any clues at all. So we got ready yesterday evening, and G drove us to the Waterfront. We walked through the whole waterfront (justabout!), and arrived at the gangplank/steps going onto a boat. It was a 5 course, 2 hour cruise around the whole waterfront. It was so nice in there and the weather was PERFECT! It couldn't have been better if we'd planned the weather system ourselves! We sat at a window, and the whole night we watched everything go by as we gently sailed around while having supper. It was so nice seeing the whole place lit up at night, the lights like stars. The food was delicious! As always with a buffet, there's too much to eat if you took a bit of everything that you liked! But I got a good YUM plateful of food and enjoyed it a lot. A really special, romantic evening :D

Ok, now on a totally different note - I REALLY HAVE to get started with these minutes... :(

I can't think of a clever or expressive post title...

Things are progressing... I have a lot of clarity on the issue now, but everything is still frustrated. It's almost like it is partly cloudy - clear with occasional clouding over.

After chatting to mom a lot over the past few days, I have insight into the issue, and yet, I am unable to do anything to sort it out. It is not something that *I* have to sort out. Can't go into details, but it is not for me to fix, this problem. There have to be consequences for actions which affect people close to you. You can't expect them not to react accordingly if you do something which hurts them. It doesn't work like that. Commit the crime, do the time, in a way. You have to face the music.. and what's frustrating is that she's not willing to. Argh!!!!!!!

Had a driving lesson today (none last week, none Saturday coming). It seems to be going alright... I don't know how well I'll do in the test, I guess at least I'm getting experience enough.

Need for Speed IS SO AWESOME! I defeated the 2nd boss and won a 2nd territory - defeated a crew. I was able to upgrade parts in my car - like NO2 and the turbo etc... and BOY OH BOY I can tell! Gotta get used to the handling now. I have to get the hang of hand-brake turns too, it's becoming more crucial than in the previous 2 levels. Still wanna get a nice sig/avatar of my car though....

What else is news. Dude is cute. G is sweet and special.

G's gran has come down from upcountry for my birthday. I feel very touched - she is very eager to "make it" to our wedding - she's 83 and seems to feel very time-limited I suppose. So I'm very honoured that she is coming down for my birthday. She really is sweet :)

G and I mowed the lawn earlier. I found a HUGE cricket in the gutter but it got away - it went under the fence between our places so hopefully it will find its way into the neighbours' place and keep them awake. I am getting more and more tired of waking up to this woman sharing her high-heel shoes with us through their tiled floor. Lady, if you're going to take an hour getting ready, walking all over your place, LEAVE THE HIGH-HEELS TIL LAST!!!! FOR PITY'S SAKE!

I dunno... it wouldn't seem so annoying if they didn't do other ANNOYING things - like scream, smoke, slam the doors, etc etc. It is baffling... why do they HAVE to SLAM their front door every time they go out? Ok if she's carrying the brat on her hip and her hands are full ok.. but he's 2, lady, he can walk! Surely he can manage the steps since you yourself live in a 2storey place? Nope, you HAVE to slam the door. And what's so dumb is that because a) I'd feel like an idiot and b) they're out whenever we go out/come home, I wouldn't actually slam OUR door to give her a bit of her own medicine... I'm more and more tempted though!

Heremia is paused. For now - I wanted to stitch a bit tonight but I was so tired after supper+washing up. S, L and I are going to meet up on the 16th to have a stitchathon/wedding chat... they're going to be my bridesmaids and we're going to chat plans and ideas! Can't wait!

It's X's party on Saturday this weekend coming. He's back from Sweden - it'll be good to see him again.

N is back from (UAE? Dubai?) - we met up with him for lunch and he came by our place for a short visit.

What else is news... not sure - will have to blog again if I think of things ;)

Ongoing shit

It is just getting worse and worse, more complicated and more shit.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

New projects

I tried out some demo cross-stitch charting programs, and found that out of DMC Pattern Designer, Pattern Maker, PC Stitch, Stitchcraft and X-Stitch Studio, Pattern Maker is the best. You only get 4 days to use the demo, but it is the full version and you can save and print the charts you've made. DMC Pattern Designer and one of the others are basically the same, just different splashscreens, and they have horrible colour reduction and if you are using a photo to make a design, it doesn't work well at all. The other two were alright, but Pattern Maker's handling, rendering and functionality put it WAY above the rest. Definitely worthwhile trying out, if not buying! I'm pretty much overloaded with designs I have waiting to be done (Heremia in progress, Damask Rose purse, Gentle Strength, Golden Ice, Motion already), so I doubt I'd make use of it often enough to warrant buying it... but I've charted two pics already, so now my list of "to-dos" has grown. I doubt I'd even finish half of them before we move to Aus, but hopefully I will have finished all of them before we become Aus citizens...

It's Saturday night... we've just spent a relaxing day at home (after sorting out stuff at the traffic dept and meeting up with G's folks for brunch).

And I've just been looking at baby budgies - googled them. Awwwwwwwwwww they are TOO CUTE! I so wish we could take Dude with us to Aus... then we could let him start a family... :( but for the time being they don't allow most animals into Aus.

That's all for now.

I can't believe you...

I just CANNOT BELIEVE!

I can't believe that you'd tell your OWN SISTER to "ask someone else" to be bridesmaid.

I CAN'T believe you... I just cannot comprehend. After showing NO FUCKING INTEREST AT ALL... and being scathing about the dress... and asking "jees, why are you being so prickly?!" when I try to talk to you about it, now this? "I've thought about it, and I DON'T want to be your bridesmaid".

THANK you, is all I can say.

Thank you for being AN UNBEARABLE, backstabbing, self-centred, self-serving, INCONSIDERATE, selfish BITCH! Bitch is too tame a word... but I can't think of anything else right now.. FUCK YOU BITCH! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!

I CANNOT believe you...

FUCK YOU!

Heremia

A pic of Heremia!

Tuesday

Sheesh my blog is becoming rather happy isn't it, this blogpost (which I started yesterday but didn't finish) was titled "irritability".

Ah well... it's supposed to reflect my mood and I guess it does.

Anyway, a thought for the day:

19 February 2008 - Thought for the day

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

(Dave Tyson Gentry)

G and I can often have quiet moments together ♥

At the moment, I'm bored at work. HBBM is away, back on Friday. I have no work - he hasn't left me any... so I'm going to have to move my butt and go looking for stuff to do upstairs - filing, etc. YAY. I hate it. I'm so bored I'd rather be at home cos there's so much to do.

I'm so excited about so many things. Our wedding, for one. G's mom made an invitation for us, it's so beautiful! We have to decide on a font to use in it and on the menu/tablecard things, and also the right wording for it. But it's so beautiful! We have to yay/nay certain things about it, but all in all it's spot on for now!

Thursday we're meeting with the minister guy. Hopefully this weekend we have nothing on, so we can relax and do our own, fun, relaxing things. Maybe go out somewhere. I want to practise my driving - take G's car out for a slow gentle "spin" hehe.

We've still got to contact people with regards to the decor and flowers, hopefully if we have a quiet weekend we can sit down and take stock of what all we have to do for the wedding preparations... we haven't really thought of it in much detail cos things have been so busy. I just hope G isn't too tired, as this week is apparently going to be/is being a biatch! I hope things settle down a little bit enough for us to sort out the things on our "to do" list on the fridge, first, before any wedding plans hehe. So much hanging around waiting to be done and it's small things, just that they've been hanging on for months hehe. Not annoying as individual things, just that it's silly that they're still around.

I'm still so pissed off at the pest control company. We've put Borax down, but what the hell are we supposed to do about the washmachine? We can't spray inside it, I don't know what powder would do to it... I am SO SICK OF COCKROACHES!

My fish are beautiful. I have been reminded about the fact because I cleaned the fishtank on Sunday. Every time, it gets dirty and it loses its appeal, and then I bring myself to clean it, and I'm amazed every time and my wonder and excitement about the tank is renewed. They really are beautiful. When we are in Aus and I set up a new tank, I think I will get silver hatchetfish instead of congo tetras. Congos are nice, but they're far more vigorous than the other tetras I have. It's ended up in 2 of my marbled hatchetfish and a neon being eaten (plus 2 other neons etc who disappeared ages ago and I never found - maybe eaten as well?). I doubt silver hatchetfish would be able to eat anyone else in the tank! Hatchetfish are SO adorable, I am really stuck on them. My favourites though are glowlight tetras. A simple fish but so sweet looking and easy to keep and despite the ease of maintenance, beautiful all the same. Neons are pretty too but a little... silly. They eat far too much and look as if they're about to explode. It's not that I'm overfeeding the fish, just that I have to put in enough for EVERYone and the neons tend to gulp more food than anyone else!

Heremia is coming along gorgeously! I must take a photo and put it up here soon. I want to stitch tonight, so maybe then. She's filling up quite well - her neck is more filled in and she's getting quite a nice bit of mane. Too exciting!

My driving lessons are coming along well... no lesson this coming Saturday, so that leaves me with 11 lessons left. Eeek, I hope it works out! I don't want to have to rebook a test and do more lessons... HOLD THUMBS!

These are going to be really busy 2 years. The wedding plans and arrangements will take up most of this year, December will be back at work and Xmas holidays. Then next year, we are going to be focussing on the move. Getting in touch with migration agents/sorting out things ourselves, sorting out stuff getting ready to move... all that jazz. It'll be a really busy year next year. I think I might have to leave work in the middle of the year or so, to be able to spend time getting things ready. Hopefully I'll have my driver's licence and will be able to drive around organising things/going to fetch paperwork etc... we'll see. I know for one thing we'll have to get everything ready during next year in order to be ready to leave ASAP when G's commitment here ends. I can't wait. To be finished work here, and to get things going in preparation! YAY!!! EEK!!!

G got a lot of new PC games a coupla days ago. So now we have lots of games to play! Sam and Max Hit the Road, another Sam and Max, The Orange Box, Gears of War, Crysis, umm.... Quake 4... um... things like that. I want to play Sam and Max. And I want to carry on playing NFS Carbon: Own the City on the PSP... heeheehee that's so fun and OMG so addictive! Want to get back into Locoroco too, I'm about 6/10 of the way through (I think). Then we have the other PSP games... and of course I have 4 X-stitch designs to do.. Heremia excluded! Too many fun things to do, too little fun time available! Nevermind going out and about... going to the seaside, going out into the country, going out for supper, etc etc etc... *sigh*!!!!!

*sigh*... that XY problem isn't resolved. I haven't heard much, but that doesn't mean anything. I still don't know what to do. And it really affects how I feel about things regarding our wedding... how will I be able to seriously be happy that they're there? Like, gee "thanks for coming guys :)" when I'm like... pretending? I can't do shit like that. Faking things... I can't PRETEND to like something or be happy about something. Going to A+C's wedding, and they had speeches and things and I was thinking... how sincerely will I be able to accept a speech like that...? I don't know. "Thanks for (hardly) enthusing, right from the start, so glad you could come..."? That's how I feel right now.

Anyway, let me post this and go make some tea - I need a bit of warm soothing about now...

On another note: I got 2 CDs yesterday - the last Cardigans album (now I have them all! YAYYYYYY) and a Junior Senior album "Hey Hey My My Yo Yo". I'm so enjoying the Junior Senior CD so much! It's endless happy cheerful music, without being crappy fake unoriginal junky music. Love it! So much! I have to update my ipod now, put all my new music on it, take off the older stuff I don't listen to... ! So exciting!!

Ok teatime now!

Too little time :P

I feel cooped up, stuck indoors, shut in...

I wish we could go somewhere, outside, like sit by the sea, or on a mountain.

I am bored and got sidetracked from this blogpost so I'm going to surf online for pc cases... *dream dream*

IT'S FRIDAY THANK HEAVENS tralalalalalaaaaaaaa!!!!

?Bleh~!

Such stupidity...

We had such a hectic weekend, everything was planned and scheduled...

We spent virtually the whole Friday evening unpacking the kitchen, ready for pest control to do their thing bright and early the next morning.

I had my driving lesson at 8, while I was away G took Dude to his parents' place and fetched his mom - we were going to go invitation-ideas shopping and also to buy material for the bridesmaids' dresses. I got back, rushed and washed up the remaining dishes in the sink, and waited for G to come home. G's mom smsd just before 10, saying they were on their way. No peep from the pest control co. G and his mom arrived about 10:30. Still no sign of pest control.

We eventually got everything sorted out (stuff to take with us to shop around), and I'd just paused to show his mom the wedding dress material and I see the pest control peeps pulling up outside (at about 10:53). G rushed out and they mumbled "is this no 28?" so he said "yes, and you're an hour late".. "mumble mumblemumble" "sorry, we're on our way out, bye" said G and closed the door. They left. No apology, nothing. I'm still waiting for a phonecall or email from them to apologise. This after the woman phoned on Friday to confirm 10:00! They could have phoned and said they were running late. But no. And we had such a lot scheduled for the day. They were sposed to take 30mins and we were supposed to be out the house for 3 hours... so we were going to go shop and stuff in the meantime, then come home and pack everything back. Then drop his mom off, get a security gate quote, come back and get ready for A & C's wedding that evening. And also GO to the wedding (needless to say ;) ).

We haven't packed ANYthing back. We got home rather late on Saturday night (more detail about the wedding in a mo), and Sunday we spent the afternoon at G's folks, they treated us to fish and chips and then G settled down to try sort out the spyware on his dad's laptop. What a persistent little shit piece of spyware that is! All of them except this tiny little flashing icon (with accompanying balloon) were removed.

Saturday was SO HOT! Not sure, but when we were leaving our place to head off to the wedding, G's car was reading 39.5C on the thermometer. I'm sure if we hadn't gone around the mountain but had stayed in the city it'd have hit 40C for sure. It was a GORGEOUS evening for the wedding - couldn't have had better weather for it.

The venue was lovely - a huge wine farm with cricket oval and 2 restaurants, a spa and hotel/chalets (from what we could see!). G and I were the among the first people to arrive, and we started to set up the sound equipment - G was doing the sound/music.

They had the ceremony outside under a kind of wood-stick canopy. All the chairs were arranged facing some steps that A & C stood on as they said their vows. The whole theme was lovely, the colour scheme and C's dress (and the bridesmaids' dresses) went so well together! Such a happy time! After a bit of scrambling around on G's part, we joined everyone else and had some fruit juice and canapes, before the group photo was taken and the bride's father did a speech. It was getting dark by that stage and strangely enough, the venue didn't have proper lighting (they only had tiny lights - fairy lights I think they're called). I went in to ask the guy (he seemed to be the organiser/main dude at the venue) whether they had any lights to switch on and he rather unhelpfully just said (essentially) no, sorry. No offer of a table-lamp or anything, just "no, we don't have any other lighting".

They decided to do the rest of the speeches while everyone was eating. Had DELICIOUS food... funky starter, LOOOOOOOOOVELYYYYY lamb (omg so delicious... wow!), and FAR too rich chocolate tart... too too rich... wow. I met P & his H (since I'm an H too!), and somehow it's as if I'd already met them. It's incredible, the strongest sensation that I've met them already, we've already been to a function like that and met up and chatted. So so familiar... quite freaky really.

Anyway, it was a really lovely evening, and hopefully A & C are well on their way to a wonderful honeymoon (if they haven't arrived already) :)

Hmm... what else is news... nothing much. We got the bridesmaids' material, G's mom and we came up with good ideas for the invitations... just was a good creative session hehe.

Let me post this blogpost now... I'm sure more will come to me at some stage.

*grr* we have such an untidy home now, THANK you pest control company!!!! >.< no we haven't packed anything back yet... we just didn't have the strength to yesterday!

A blog post

I haven't blogged significantly for a while... things have been too busy, or hectic, or insane for me to even think about what I would blog, even though I have had a desperate need to pour out all my thoughts and turmoil.

I am tired. Things are too hectic, tiring. Exhausting. I would love to sleep late at least a little on the weekends, but I can't. My driving lessons are at 8 every Saturday, and then Sundays I can never sleep past about 9 (I think), being so clockworkly trained into getting up before 8. I WANT to sleep late, but can't. And I am having driving lessons up until 13 May... so no sleeping late until the 17 May! I have 14 lessons left.

I'm tired. I'm tired of this job, this place. Tired of the same people day in day out, I hardly care to be here. I just have no energy, no interest in this place. I want to leave and never come back. I am looking forward to the time when we start applying for Aus and I can leave this place in order to prepare everything for the move. Not having to see these people, and do the same thing, over and over. Tired of it. Just too tired.

I'm so confused about something. It's that person X and person Y thing again. Still. It never ends, never changes or stops. I'm so mentally strained by them, they drain me and exhaust me. After such a huge palava just a few days ago, things seem back to normal again. Bafflingly so. I'm too tired even to react. Y phoned me 2 nights ago, and blabla bla blethered on about the same old usual minutae boring unbelievably detailed, UNINTERESTING nonsense as always. She KNOWS that it is uninteresting, this minute detail, down to the letter, about every single little thing that happened... it's mindwarping. It is painful to listen to. I can't listen anymore, all I end up doing is going "mmm" on the phone. It's awful. Half an hour (often more) of going "mm" and getting an endless STREAM of words in my ear the entire time. Then "do you have any news?". No "how are you?", "how are your driving lessons?" or "how are the wedding plans?", just "any news?". Sheesh, I feel so cared about, thank you for asking... NO I DON'T HAVE ANY NEWS. I have a lot of things I would LOVE to tell her about, but can't. I don't want to answer the phone when it rings because it is always the same. But now, so things are back to normal, after the HUGE fight and stuff, and Y said that she'd come home and X had opened the door and smiled and said hi and Y felt so over the moon. So, after my feeling utterly ill and sick with stress, being The Ear for all the world's shit to be told to, all is well and back to normal as if nothing had ever happened. I can't believe it. Now things are normal. After everything, after being so shocked and the ground shaking around making me giddy, nothing is the matter... it's all normal. I am so pissed off, I can't even begin to explain. WTF... am I THAT insignificant, do I matter SO LITTLE that they can just offload all their psychologically imbalanced, mind-killing BAD MOOD and ANGER and FRUSTRATION onto me, and then just walk away? Do they NOT CARE how it affects me? YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING FREAKS!

I'm so pissed off. I can't wait to emigrate and be away from all this, but nothing will change. The only thing that will change will be the visits (or lack thereof). The phonecalls and MSN chats will be the same. Exhausting, endless shit. I just... can't take it anymore. Really. I would love for Y (and X too!) to be NORMAL, so that we could just, go out for breakfast together, go for lunch, go shopping, do WHATEVER, do normal things together, have fun and know each other... but we don't. Y knows hardly anything about me anymore, hell I doubt she knows who the hell SHE IS even. No one does. Running around busy with NONSENSE, not dealing with anything and taking stock of who and what she is... all she is is flurry and chaos. I'm tired. I do not enjoy the phonecalls, but that's all "we" have. It's almost like a duty, the phonecalls and sms's and stuff. I am so tired.

X is no better either. Such trouble, and then I'm sposed to be friendly with her, as if nothing's wrong. As if Y is normal and X hasn't been making it worse by fighting with Y. It just gets worse and worse, Y has a problem and I'm fed up with X making it worse every time. Y is not normal. I'm tired of X too, I don't matter to her either. How many times in normal conversation, just chatting, have I tried to say something, and it's almost like I'm not there. You know, that "a-" or "h-" when you can't even finish the first syllable of the first word of whatever you are trying to say, and the other person resumes talking... their sentence is finished, there's a break, and then it just starts up again along the same line as their previous sentence that you were trying to respond to. It's even worse in a group... I'm so tired of that. I am paranoid that I do that, I'd hate it if I did that... I hope I don't.

I'm TIRED of you X. You just never think about anyone but yourself. It's been a fact, ever since I can remember. Won't consider anyone else. If it'd improve A's situation, but inconvenience you, you will not do it.

I feel like I'm in a river, being bashed along by the current, and if I could just stand up I'd find that it's really only 4cm deep.

Why am I discussing our wedding plans with friends overseas who cannot make the wedding, and I can't discuss it with X and Y. They're sposed to be part of it, surely? And yet, there's nothing. X seems hardly interested at all, Y is too mentally busy and distracted (chaotic) to even CLICK, HELLO, she's getting MARRIED! The whole WEDDING THING is going to happen in a few months' time. Helloo, hellooo, anyone OUT THERE! You two are such freaks, X and Y. I hope you know that. Maybe one day I will tell you. But it wouldn't make a difference. You would not hear.

Will not hear.

Unheard.

I don't know

I just don't know.

My mind will not help me with this, it won't allow me to even think about it...

so I don't know.

I stitched!

Heremia as of tonight:



I wanted to blog about stuff, earlier, just rambling on about thoughts... more like dumping my thoughts into the blog... but I'm tired now after stitching instead. It's nearly midnight, we have work tomorrow so I think we're going to bed now.

*night y'all*