Stocktake

Since it is 29 December 2011, it might be an opportunity to take stock of where I am these days.

Firstly, I have been going to see a psychologist.  She reckons I have Adjustment Disorder, which is a fancy way of saying I've had a few upsets/rough times and my ability to cope is shot.  I'm not sure what is going to happen, whether counselling alone is going to help, because it involves trying to calmly and rationally think things through and assess my options.  Great for the times I am feeling calm and rational, but completely unhelpful when I'm spazzing out, as I so often am these days.  Perhaps medication will keep me from spazzing out, so that I can be calm and rational for more of the time, so as to get through things.  That probably makes it sound like I'm a loonytoon which I'm not.  It's just that I tend to feel down in the dumps and overwhelmed/exhausted a lot, not that I'm sitting twitching in a corner.

Most of the time, I just feel sad and restless... unable to settle and be 'at peace' - I cannot trust my surroundings, cannot trust the house (any house) and relax.  I feel as though there are too many things that need doing, that take preference over having any form of fun... there are always chores to be done so I just feel unable to do things I used to enjoy a lot, like stitch.  I feel frustrated that things aren't all 'just right'... that there are things that still need attending to... things that are not under our control, such as things waiting for rental agency input... stupid rental agency.

I also feel, as sad as it sounds, as though for the past 3 months we have merely been babysitting Rigi.  I'm not sure why (it may well be a symptom of my aforementioned problem) but I feel more of a bond with and affection towards the budgie than I do with him... and it bugs me immensely.  At present, there isn't so much enjoyment having him around, it's more like another chore, another worry.  Worry over whether he's ok by himself out in the garden, not breaking things, damaging things, eating dangerous things, playing with snakes (yes I saw a snake in the front garden so there is probably a snake(/s) in the back yard too).  He is a sweet little thing, quiet and not a nuisance in the slightest, I just feel currently as though I am unable to keep myself going, nevermind maintaining him as he needs.

This is pretty hard to type, I may well delete this completely but at least I can type it and publish it and get it off my chest...

Part of this problem is the urge, drive almost, to buy something big.  I want my ring, both my rings, back... so badly.  I want MY rings, I want only my rings... and yet I am unable, no matter how well, thoroughly or 'cleverly' I google, to find them.  I cannot... just cannot.  I so badly want my "high-value" ring back, but conversely, I do not want another, because it is such distilled value and so stealable that I do not want it. I do not want so much value in one thing.  And yet, I do.  My mind goes back and forth.  I want at least to replace the wedding ring, but cannot justify the expense.

I find myself obsessing now, frustratingly, on cars.  A car, or two versions of a car.  Audi A4 B7, the car we had, and Audi A3 8P, the sportback (hatchback) version... something so expensive and utterly unattainable.  Something that I would be unable to use.  I don't yet have my QLD open license, nevermind the huge expense of such a car, just in the monthly repayments - and then add on the insurance and petrol costs, as well as maintenance/servicing/repair costs... completely out of my reach and it will not be within my reach any time soon.

This is the A3 which I would dearly love:

It really is a thing of beauty.

I do have something other than cross-stitch to try draw me into relaxing:

Santa was extremely generous this year, and I'm now the lucky owner of a Casio CTK 4200.  I can't read music, nor can I play (not even vaguely!), but I now at least have the tools to learn!  I also now own a pair of Sennheiser HD 202 MKIIs, my first over-ear closed headphones. 

Up until now, I've been (enjoying) using my stock standard iPod earphones.  I tried out the headphones with the iPod and wow... now THAT'S music!

Ok... hopefully this post doesn't seem flippant, what with talking serious stuff and then sticking up pics of "things dat i lyke"... at least the pics make it interesting?

Benylin Day

Today I called in sick... I *did* have a bit of an unhappy tummy, so it wasn't dishonest.  Plus, I needed a chill-out day after a pretty low weekend.

Today was much better.  I got around to doing a bit of admin, and tidied my room (study/stitching room) a bit too.  It makes a huge difference.  I only hope that I don't lapse into the habit of just stuffing stuff into cupboards so that it LOOKS nice.  It does, however, look much more appealing and inviting so I may just stitch sometime... it is by far the lightest room in the house, which I think makes a huge difference.

The house, in general, is quite dark.  The lounge, G's room and the bedroom are very dark due to the balcony and long eaves covering the balconies.  The bedroom is made even more dark by having a wall painted dark chocolate brown.  Lord only knows why whoever it was decided to do that, because it makes me want to jab a screwdriver into my head (exaggeration!):  it's so dark and when you go into the bedroom during the day, it's very glary as the light through the balcony door makes this silhouette effect which is quite eye-straining.  If the rental agency is alright with it, I'd like to have it painted a lighter colour...

The rest of the house is quite weakly lit once it's evening.  It has the air of a restaurant, with dim lighting for "ambience", and sometimes you just want to move on and put the lights up so you can see what you're doing... not great for cross stitch.  I think we should invest in some reading lamps to face towards the wall and ceiling to brighten it up.  This lighting would be great for a home cinema but this is the lounge we're talking about.  The dimness is not helped by the high, slanted ceiling.

No, this isn't meant to be a gripe-about-the-house blog post.  Just trying to explain something that may have a negative effect on my energy levels.

My off-sick day today has made me feel a bit like stitching.  The simple, therapeutic accomplishment of stitching, even if it's a 1" x 1" patch on a fabric 22ft x 22ft - not that I'd ever do one that big, but I'm sure you know what I mean.  The only problem is the demands of other, necessary things, preventing me from even indulging in the feeling of the desire to stitch, let alone indulge in actually stitching.  I'm not sure what it is, but weekdays are so exhausting.  My job is full on, 100%, the entire time.  It's not high-pressure, or extremely stressful, it's just consistently constantly busy, which I like.  I'm just worn out in the evenings!

Perhaps it's just an emotional crash I've experienced, from being busy and stretched thin... and having my sis to stay for a bit over 3 weeks... it's time to recover now, and to look forward to things like Xmas... it's nearly time to put up the tree!  And to decorate FINALLY, with our fledgling traditions - we have to make our own traditions, here.  Can't believe it's our first Australian Xmas.  Time to dig out the tree, find the decorations, buy new ornaments and things, and also to get Wintersong out for the first time!



I've always wanted one of these, so maybe we'll find one:



Anyway, I'll leave it at that - supper's ready!

I haven't posted in ages

There hasn't been that much which has been noteworthy the past while.  Or, I suppose more accurately, I haven't had much brain capacity spare to expend it on blogging.  And I can't think of anything at the moment either.  I may well have forgotten... which scares me greatly.

Basically, over the past while since I blogged last, I've been working.  And my sister came to stay last month for a little over 3 weeks.  And I've been coming to terms with things (not quite) which I'm not yet able to come to terms with.

Yes, this is a vague, pointless blog post again.

I just feel, currently, as though everything is wrong.  The house we are in is too big, there are too many things required of us to maintain it, having a dog is too much responsibility, there are too many things we have to do just to keep our lives running... and I feel overwhelmed and frozen.  I wish I was in a plain bland square apartment with just a little balcony and nothing needing work... just a small vacuum here and there, watering a potplant, etc... but then, living in an apartment would undoubtedly have its own issues such as shitty neighbours making noise etc.  There's just no peace, it seems.  Or, I just cannot find it.

I think this sums up my current state of mind to a T:

 Sorry to be a Debbie-Downer... but sometimes, one just has difficult times.

Wow...

Ok, the below blue text is what I started writing oh, about a week ago!

I've been 'afk' for over a month... sjoe!

Where to start.

Well, for one thing, we're moved in.  All went fine, the new house rocks and I am feeling more and more like this is a Home now.  I've even unpacked some things in 'my' room, the bedroom cupboards are almost completely packed now, just got a few things to do like pack the garage better, get rid of junk some previous tenants left, etc.  Things are slowly finding their right place.

I also feel like shopping for furniture, as it'd be nice to have big enough bookshelves now.  It's like, I'm grown up now, I am allowed to have full-size furniture as I've finished growing LOL.  I don't need to 'make do' with the same tiny bookshelves I grew up with... one of them is moldy anyway, which I utterly despise as I suffer from hayfever and don't need mold hanging around.

Ok, so we're in the new house, loving it.  In the past month+, it has become summer.  Or, like CT summer as this is only 'spring' and summer will be hotter.  It's beautiful, and so luxurious at the moment.  Like being on holiday, every day.

A week after we moved, we went to fetch our pup.  Yes, we got the pup!!  After a hiccup with the rental agency and being devastated that we couldn't actually have the pup indoors, all was right and we were able to fetch him.  We hung out with his breeder for a bit on that day, so she could explain a million things to us, and we also went to the lagoon with them, our pup and his sister.  The car trip home was fine, with just 1 upset stomach incident.  We bought him a crate so the whole journey was stress-free as he was able to lie down and didn't feel the urge to explore the whole car.

Our pup's name is Rigi.  Officially.  I call him Piglet...

He is such a sweet little chap, it's unbelievable.  There's no mischief, no destructive streak, the only thing he does is want to be with us all the time.  He doesn't chew the furniture, find things to pull off furniture and chew, the worst he's done is pick up one of G's socks and walk towards us in the kitchen with it.  He cried the first few nights a short while after being put to bed in his crate, but that seems to be fading into a distant memory now.  He has learnt very quickly what we do and don't want him to do, for example he's not allowed on the couches, he must wait for us to go through doorways first, he has to sit and wait for his food.  Also, things like not jumping up at us to get attention.  He is very mouthy still, but that's probably because he is teething - he doesn't really play with toys, he prefers things like pigs ears, rawhide chews etc to destroy.  Suits us fine if he's chewing those instead of our stuff!

He's such a cute little fluffball, really a sweetie pie.  I think we have been so lucky getting him only at age 4 months.

In other news (yes, I will post pics of Piglet sometime), the other admin assistant/secretary left.  She found out about 2 weekends ago that she was pregnant, came to work the Monday, decided she wasn't going to put up with the stress anymore and quit.  She left during the afternoon as she was only on probation still so there's no notice period etc.  Wow.  And then, shortly after, they got in a receptionist, who decided the job wasn't for her after 1 day.  They got another one, who decided after 3 or 4 days that the job wasn't for her either.  Thankfully, they got an admin assistant/secretary, who has stayed, and they got a receptionist, who also has stayed.  I have to say, it's SO MUCH NICER working with happy/sane people, it's incredible.  Now AngryWoman (the PA to our level's boss) needs to find another job (for her sanity mostly), and someone who isn't so angry can take her place, and then all will be right with the world.

 Ok, now that that bit has been marked as 'old', another round of updates:

Rigi is in his teenage months, I think, so he has taken to barking when he's been put to bed.  We're working on it.  And he's lost his baby teeth, I think.  It's nearly time to get him neutered.  He is a sweetie though, and passed his 4 puppy classes with flying colours.

The receptionist I mentioned above has since left.  Another is starting on Monday.

Tomorrow is SA vs Aus and NZ vs Argentina (Rugby World Cup).  I seriously hope SA wins, as I wore my SA scarf to work on Friday.  I only found out I think it was Wednesday past that SA was playing against Aus, as I hadn't been following the rugby at all, and also didn't think SA had a hope (no expectations LOL!)  So tomorrow's game will be a tough one, and its outcome will decide if I'm picked on or bowed down to at work on Monday!!

Work has been interesting.  I think the work is ok, as I said before it's so much better without loony toon colleagues.  We just need Angrywoman to find another job and somebody else to take the job and really fit the job well.  I just don't envy that position at all.  I think I'm pretty spoilt by my boss, I feel 'intimidated' by her to some degree, as she is younger than me, undeniably very attractive (I feel like a real plain jane next to her - not that she's a supermodel though!), in a far more 'strong' role than me, and also she's at times very solitary... not sure if it's just towards me or whether it's just how she deals with not being in the best of moods. 

Either way, I really like working for her and I hope she likes having me work for her.  I was actually asked in the interview whether I'd worked for a female boss before, and whether I'd have a problem with it and I said I hadn't before but I doubted I'd have a problem.  So far, all's good.  I am not, however, pledging my undying allegiance and unwavering commitment to her at all, knowing full well how backstabby workplaces can be, and not wanting to be vulnerable to that, but I sincerely hope that this stays a good working relationship.

Since I blogged last, things have settled in at the new house quite well.  Love the convenience of bus to work and back, and am enjoying having a balcony (there is a 2nd one but it's far less appealing, even though if it was the only one it'd be perfect too!).  I've pretty much unpacked most of my stuff in my 'study' (stitching room!), with only ornaments and books needing to be unpacked.  The ornaments will probably have to wait though, as the floors in this house are rather rattly (it vibrates a lot as you walk - it's a wooden floor) and I'd be afraid that the ornaments would wobble and fall over and get damaged.  I may well move one of the display cabinets into my study though... unless... I could buy ANOTHER one?? (buahaha, not likely as they're quite pricy, but would be nice).

Nothing else much is bloggable... time goes on and sadly, frustratingly, I still am not over the trauma of the burglary.  I am triggered by things at times (like my boss bought a new, EXPENSIVE ring), and then I feel like I'm having a meltdown.  And I still fear, whenever we come home after the light has started fading, that we will go into the garage and find the door open... a repeat scenario.  But anyway, time goes on and I will carry on, regardless of the serious craters in the road.

Other than that, not much news.  I still love Bird, and I miss Dude a lot (still, yes!).  I miss the fish, even though I have ones here too.  I'm considering getting a kuhli loach (yes, I know, you're not supposed to have only one but I had only one for a while after buying 4 and 3 of them dying quite soon after - the last one is still alive thankyouverymuch!).

Cheers for now - I'm trying to get back into stitching and will post a pic of any progress I have made.  And I will post pics of our house, too.  And Rigi too.

Wow-O

It's already the 13th of August, I've been afk on my blog for ages it seems!

Rather a lot has happened...

Firstly, the current tenants in the new house are unable to be out 'in time'.  We were supposed to be getting the keys today, but are now only getting them on Thursday.  The reason we wanted to have the house for the last week that we have the current house is so that we can shift all our stuff smoothly without having a time where everything is up in the air at the same time.  But it's not to be, so we're moving on Friday.  I can't wait.  I was hoping we'd get the keys the Thurs evening so we could shift the fishtank and some other stuff before the movers are there (early Friday morning), but I don't know if we would do that - I think I'd feel a bit 'eek' about any of our stuff being left in an otherwise empty house.  Maybe my post-burglary paranoia at work.

The previous week was a rather stressful, vexing week with my colleagues (other admin-girls) having completely grumps and moans of varying severity.  It really got to me and I had what I can only describe as an emotional crash.  Then, to round up the week with a weird bang, Friday was The Weirdest Work Day In History for me.

I won't go into detail because it's really not that important (as I mentioned in my previous blogpost), but basically the boss on level 1 called the 3 of us admin-girls on level 1 in and had a rant at us.  It was something really small, but which is actually kinda important and it just reached a tipping point where he'd noticed it not being done a few times now and he just couldn't let it slip any longer.  The other two girls got absolutely worked up and riled and their hackles rose and they argued back at the boss, only serving to piss him off more.

The one girl (my counterpart, who works for the other solicitor) muttered 'these things are so easy, getting a receptionist would also be easy' and left.  (Basically, these stupid mistakes are due to there being no receptionist and us having to be receptionist and man the switchboard instead of being able to focus on OUR OWN JOBS).  So she disappeared (left the building) for about half an hour.  She was in tears and fed up, and she ultimately left at 14:30 due to already having felt sick during the day only for it to be worsened by this event.

The other girl was utterly upset too, and went and had quite a long and loud argument with the general manager behind closed doors.  Their conversation was interrupted when the boss barged in and she left the general managers office.  The boss then had an utter ranting, shout-and-smack-the-desk argument at the general manager for a while.  While this was going on, the girl then had a rant and moan at me about it when 'the coast was clear' and she was sure the boss and the solicitors weren't around.

Weirder still was when my 'boss' (solicitor I work for) came to me during the afternoon when the other 2 girls weren't around, and said she had to mention, but the boss said he was very impressed with how I handled what happened the morning.  I was pretty astounded, as I hadn't even done anything - he hadn't actually ranted at me as I am (I'm guessing) the new girl and not expected to be flawless just yet - so there was no handling that I had done at all.  To be honest, I really hadn't a clue as to what the fuck had just happened, so it was pretty surreal being told that I'd handled it well.

But anyway, my boss-solicitor then went on to tell me that the boss (level 1) had had a few secretaries in the past while and hadn't been happy and it's just cos he's hard to work for and the others hadn't really been able to learn the job.

Then, after she'd gone away, the 1 girl who remained (remember, the other had left earlier) asked me what my boss-solicitor had said, and then said I should take what the solicitors say with a pinch of salt as 'they say what the boss has told them to say...' and she added, for good measure, 'and your boss has been sleeping with the boss, pretty much from day 1 when she started here - just thought you should know'.  I actually had no words.  I just nodded, shrugged, smiled/or something, and carried on with my work.

Anyway, that was a general summary of Weird Day (tm), then last week was pretty strange too.  Basically, my counterpart-girl was on leave on Friday, so it was just 2 of us on level 1 and another girl on level 2 manning the phone/etc.  Not long after I got back from lunch, when the other girl went in to the general manager's office.  They had a long, heated ranting argument behind closed doors for quite a while.  At one point, I heard the general manager shout at her 'sit down and shut up!', which is VERY WEIRD because he's not the kind of guy just to say something like that lightly, and not long after that, she yanked the door opened, said something along the lines of "I quit", and stormed in tears to her cubicle.  She pulled some things off her pin board, and bitterly muttered "fuck every one of you", and left.

I have no real idea what happened, but I heard rumour that someone (the boss) criticised something she did and she just can't handle criticism at all.  Regardless, it's pretty shitty when once a week, a colleague storms out in tears.

In OTHER weird news, I happened to post on FB that my job seemed dumb and might even be pointless.  This was BEFORE the girl quit, might I add.  I am, basically, an admin assistant/secretary, but I spend a lot of my time (as do the other 2) doing dumb stuff a receptionist should do.  But anyway, I get this flurry of comments on that status, basically who the fuck do I think I am, ungrateful cunt that I am, to be dissatisfied with a job, when there are so many who would gladly do my work.

I tried to explain there that I was MERELY expressing myself after a shitty, tiring day at work AS SO MANY PEOPLE DO after shitty, tiring work days.  Who the hell hasn't complained that their job is pointless ever?!  And I tried to explain that I'm not being unappreciative of the fact that I have a job, just that it doesn't seem to be the best job match for me in the entire world and that I'd rather look for something better.  But no, that's not acceptable, I'm an ungrateful bitch.  Oh and I'm a debbie-downer and stuff and my status updates have in the past been negative and complaining all the time, and I've done nothing but complain ever since I got here and started to look for work.  All this, from someone I'VE NEVER MET!!  She is a friend of a cousin who I've seen once in my life, who added me because (I assume) she found some of my comments on my cousin's statuses to be amusing.  But somehow she now feels she is qualified to judge me and make sweeping assumptions about my personality, calling me arrogant and pious and spoilt.

I don't actually understand - what is wrong with ACKNOWLEDGING that something isn't work for you, and trying to change it so that you can be happy?  Why sit in a crap job, hating every minute of your life, when you could try for something better?  Why even subject your COLLEAGUES to the torture of working with someone who is unhappy in their job?  The lady who calls the boss fuckface etc does that to the rest of us on a daily basis and it really gets to us big time.  Why do I want to become that woman?  I don't!  (I know, I was unhappy and grumbly about my previous job but wasn't able to change jobs due to waiting for visa stuff to happen, but I was NOT like AngryWoman, or the DramaQueenslanders, as I've nicknamed them).  But no... I should take my head out of my ass, shut the fuck up and stick it out until something better comes along.  Yah, I'm so totally going to get headhunted IN AN OFFICE!


Ok, my petulance may be making an appearance, but really.  I am the last person who would take a job for granted, regardless of what job it is.  I appreciate being here SO DAMN MUCH, I just can't express it.  Hell, I'm still in frickin' awe that I have a visa label in my passport which says 'permitted to stay in Australia indefinitely'.


Ok... sorry if that's a Ranty McRant post.  I might well come back and delete it.


There is some happy news, however.  Today, we went to the Ekka.  First ever, and it was quite fun.  It was hectically crowded, but it was enjoyable for the most part.  Here are some pics from today:

I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone playing this game, but these freaky clown-dudes seem to be a staple of any funfair I've ever been to.

We caught the end of a showing class.  Next up were sheepdog trials.  Tense, gripping stuff.  The complete focus of the sheepdogs is incredible.

I want one of these to stick up on our house's roof.  Imagine the neighbour's shock seeing this for the first time!

A monster bucket of candyfloss (fairy floss).

 

A glow-stick goodie-bag, bought specially for Sis.

We weren't sure which day to go on, but decided on today as someone was to be showing some dogs...


That someone being a breeder of a puppy who might be coming to live with us in the next month!  Yup, we might (probably/will/not sure/can't believe it!) be getting a puppy.  We went to meet him last weekend:  we took a drive down to the Gold Coast to meet him and he's an absolute SWEETIE PIE!  We met him and his sister, plus his 'uncle'.  He's a Japanese Spitz.  So fluffy and utterly adorable.  We also went to the beach while we were there.

This is a pic for anyone who doesn't have Google-fu of any sort.

Ok, that's really all my news and views for now.  I hope this hasn't been too long and boring.

Til next time:

Ciao!

Moedeloos, again

I took a peek at Google Translate to define this marvelous word:

Moedeloos

Afrikaans to English translation:

despondent

Adjectives

1. despondent
2. dispirited
3. depressed
4. crestfallen
5. heartless
6. cheerless
7. depressing
8. mopish
9. sick

Adverbs

1. cheerlessly
2. dispiritedly
3. out of heart

I think it's not as subtle as the word's meaning as I have been brought up to understand it.  There's an element of frustration, last-straw moodiness that's missing from the above list of words.

Regardless, I'm currently feeling a bit moedeloos.

I won't bother going into major detail about work, because it's so completely meaningless.  There are a few colleagues (yes, I can say that now*) who seem completely unable to STFU with their gripes, bitching and whingeing.  And I mean gripes like: after almost every single phonecall, they have to go 'oh, ffs...' etc OUT LOUD.  Now, if you do that after EVERY SINGLE PHONECALL, there's something wrong.  And, if you call your boss fuckface etc OUT LOUD, in front of colleagues, when he's not there, and complain about being interrupted and not getting things done (and then when you think nobody's looking, surf the net), then there's something wrong.  Get a new job.  I'm not sure what it is, but the 3 other admin-type-job ladies all gripe, and I find it pretty tiresome because I don't find the whole scenario QUITE AS FUCKING INTOLERABLE as they do.  So the phone rang, big deal.  So the boss asked you to do something urgent, ok... fine, it's interrupted you, but then if you go straight to the internet after you've griped at me, then I'm not so sympathetic.

Dunno.  Anyway, it's childish and I suppose it's unchecked because the 4 of us are in a sort of 'open plan area' whereas the bosses/higher-ups are in their own offices and probably don't hear it.  I just wish they'd stfu because it works on my nerves.  Today one of them had a meltdown, having an argument with the general manager (in his office with the door closed), and then left at 15:30... it stresses everyone else out.

Anyway, to do with the little * in the complaint above:  I am now permanent!  I was supposed to finish 3 weeks' 'trial' and be made permanent if they and I were happy, but I asked on Monday (as the 3 weeks had finished) and was told it'd be simpler for accounts if I am still 'casual' for this week too as salaries are paid fortnightly.  I didn't complain, as the payrate is higher if you're a casual :P  but anyway, I got my letter and as of Monday, I will be permanent - although I still have to undergo the 6 months' probation period.

We have heard nothing back about the house we're currently in.  I guess nothing has been sorted out with the owner's estate etc and tenants are the last items on anybody's mind, so we'll just do our time and bid them adieu soon.  No hard feelings, it's unfortunate really, but still.  One for the record: FUCK THIS STUPID SUBURB!

Ahhh, that feels better.

Ok, other news... let me think.  I have been absent from my blog for a while now, due to the fact that I'm up at 05:30/06:00, and get home at 18:00.  Bedtime is supposed to be 22:00, but it doesn't seem to happen.  And when I'm home after work, my mind just kinda shuts down.  I hope I get used to being back in the working world soon, because it's kinda frustrating being 'half-brained' in the evening when I've not had any time to myself the whole day so far.  I hope that I'll soon recover my stride and be able to actually DO things in the evenings after work, like (oh golly gosh), cross stitch.  It really has been ages.


I must say that Brisbane winter is so different from Cape Town winter.  The skin of my finger joints are so dried out and chapped, I'm really struggling with it.  I suspect it has more to do with aircon in the office than the weather, but it could possibly be the sheer cold in the morning using the tap AND also walking to the bus stop.  It is pretty frickin' cold at 6:30/7am!  It's just dry cold windless generally clear/lightly clouded weather, as opposed to wet, wildly windy, ominously cloudy weather.

I feel so boring, with no news.  I don't get up to much mischief these days.

I was going to blog about more stuff, but I really am brain-tired right now, and can't remember what I wanted to say!

Night, time for my hotwater bottle and bed!  Yes, at 22:30 on a Friday night - how sad am I!? :P

Eish

Boy have I been scarce lately.

This is my third trial week.

I'm so tired, I will continue this blog post another time. I guess this one is just me clocking in again.

Cheers til next time.

Just a quick line

... to post that I'm still alive.

I will blog again hopefully this week.  I just am so moeg after work I don't feel up for anything.  And now it's back to that happy place of trying to stuff 7 days' worth of life into the weekend.  I'm still adjusting.


This week is the last week of my 3 week trial, I should hopefully hear this week whether they are going to keep me or not.

So, that's all for now.

Ok... my news

The reason I bought the business suit last week was because I had an interview lined up for Thursday, as well as for Monday.

Thursday's interview went well (admin position), and they said they'd get back to me on Tuesday.  Monday's interview was for an audiotyping position, and I had to do a typing and listening+typing test.  They were going to let me know this week what the results of my tests were, etc.  While I was getting ready for Monday's interview, I got a call from a third company, asking if I could come for an interview the following day.  Sjoe!

Tuesday's interview went pretty well, I'd say... I was offered the job on the spot!!

The offer was emailed the following day, and I waited another day before replying as I wanted to give Thursday's company a chance to contact me.  I replied this morning to accept the Tuesday's company job offer though, and as Murphy would have it, Thursday's company phoned this afternoon to offer me their job!  And then a little while later, Monday's company phoned to say that my 'test results' were very good and that they were just waiting to hear back from my references...

So, due to having a business suit and makeup, I seem to have 2.5 job offers in 1 week.  Wow-o.

But anyway, I accepted the Tuesday's company job offer, and begin work Monday.  The guy who was interviewing me asked if I could start the very next day, but I said no as I'd need a bit of time to sort myself out and buy work clothes LOL.

So, today we went clothes shopping.  Or rather, I did.  G was my portable clothing-rail for a while.  I only bought shirts as I can always just wear black trousers every day for now.  I'm really hoping the dress code isn't as formal as all other companies in the entire city seem to require. 

I also bought a new purse.  The stupid QLD drivers' licence is not credit-card sized (it's larger), which pisses me off no end and DOESN'T fit in my Wonderbra purse (it was a freebie with a magazine LOL).  Hopefully the traffic dept will roll-out the new chipped, credit-card sized licence cards soon.

I also bought... brace yourself... A HANDBAG.  OMFG sound the trumpets, I bought a real, live (ok, not really) handbag!!!!

A handbag.  Ok, trumpets can go back to silent-mode now, because I already have a handbag, I just thought it wasn't 'smart' looking enough to go with my business attire now... and it's a little big.  Although, I'm probably going to resort to taking a backpack again anyway because of needing to pack lunch every day like I usually do (I loathe spending money on 'eat-out' lunch, it's such a waste) - I might just stuff the little handbag in the backpack LOL.

Ok, so that's my news for the week, I think.  No, wait...

I've been looking online at houses to rent (yes, already) and there have been 1 or 2 available for when we're looking to start renting again.  We went to see one yesterday, and are going to see another tomorrow.  Because of where we're looking to rent (safer/nicer suburbs), it's a little more expensive than where we are now, but I can honestly say I'm so over this house (and suburb) now.

Also, what sucks big eggs is that, although it's not the rental agency's fault, they are not able to make any security improvements on the house.  Because the owner passed away.  Yup, for real.  So everything is on hold until someone gets power of attorney etc etc etc, which will probably be only just before our lease expires.  So we sit, stuck, in an unsafe feeling house, with not much security, AND we can't even get permission to get a dog as company/3rd pair of ears around the house... because it's not worth breaking the lease over... bah!

Ok, drama-queening aside, it's under 2 months til we're free... I just hope nothing happens in that time.

I've also come to the FUCKING realisation that in all likelihood, we were broken into because I, wise-as-an-owl person that I am, didn't think it was NECESSARY, in this land of milk and honey, to HIDE my stupid laptop OUT OF SIGHT from any window in the entire house, before going out for ONE HOUR.

Never in my right mind would I have left the laptop (or anything vaguely valuable) within sight in SA... why on EARTH did I not hide my laptop out of view here?  Really stupid!  Why take the chance?  Oh, you know, I guess it's because we heard (and still hear) all these lovely stories of people going on holiday for a few weeks and accidentally leaving their front door unlocked and coming back to find nothing stolen.  Why us?  One goddamned hour?!  Hardly fair... I dunno.  I'm not whining (or maybe I am?), I'm just penning these thoughts so as to exorcise them.  Dunno.  This whole 'coming to terms' thing is slower and more stupid than I ever imagined it would be.  Bear with me, folks.

Ok, apart from these rambly thoughts, I have to admit one thing:  I've been looking at the RSPCA's adoptapet site lately, looking at all the cute dogs up for adoption... there are 2 that I hope aren't adopted (so we can go see them) before we get permission to get a dog... :-P I know, it's wishful thinking etc, and we probably wouldn't get permission etc etc etc, but still.  It'd be lovely to give a poor adopt-a-dog a forever home.

Ah well.  Time must happen.  And with that, it's bedtime.  Toodle-doo for now.

P.S.  my stitching has pretty much stalled due to having to jobhunt til it came out of my ears.  Hopefully now that I have (touch wood) a job, I'll be able to settle into a routine of a bit of stitching during the evenings.  When you're busy 'not doing anything much', you just don't really accomplish much - it's such a waste of time.  Not sure that came out as eloquently as it should, but ah well.

Adieu for now!

Topsy-frickin'-turvy!

Let me just say that... and promise to elaborate a bit later ;-)

And yes, I have a cold

*snifffffff* :-(

I did it...

I bought the Heart Strings kit... and pillow form.  From separate websites, but YIPPEE!!

So, 2 parcels on their way to me.  I know, it's going to be a while before I actually get to DO this project, but at least I now will HAVE it, regardless of whether it goes out of distribution forever.  Who knows, maybe I've just bought THE LAST ONE ever...?

In other news, today I bought a business suit.  And, *gasp* some makeup.  So, any forthcoming interviews, I'm READY!  And, I've opened up the job-search a bit, by now fitting the criteria for receptionist jobs... so maybe I'm about to find MY PERFECT job any moment now.

Actually, I'm pretty excited because I look so POSH now hehehe... and the makeup looks quite nice.  Ok, I've only used the foundation so far, but still! Yay, hidden blemishes :-P

Gonna knock their socks off, watch this space!

Oh, wait, before I sign off, I was phoned yesterday by one of the companies I went to an interview with, and who said I was a 'preferred candidate', basically to say sorry, but you didn't get the job.  Everything was fine, the lady said, but hearing my referees' impression of how well I'd suit the job... not so good.  Apparently, I don't work so well when a lot of people give me things to do at one time, and the lady said they'd rather not put me in a position where there'll be 100+ people who might give me things to do if it's just going to stress me out.

Ok, fair enough, except, how WOULD anyone at my previous company even KNOW whether I'd be ok with dealing with multiple tasks at once, when I've only ever been allowed to do ONE THING AT A TIME ever because ONLY HBBM'S WORK was ever important!!  *Sigh* but you can't say that to a prospective employer, but still.  Sucks to be 'let down' by how stupid the previous place's scenario was.  Really, I never was allowed any autonomy over my workload because HBBM's stuff really was the be all and end all of everything, and even if anyone gave me something to do, HBBM's stuff trumped it by a mile.  So anyway, one more job application for nil, but still, I'm going to keep on looking and applying.

Watch this space!

I think

I am getting a cold.

During the morning, I started to get *that feeling* in my nose/throat... and now I have a bit of a scratch starting in my throat and my nose has been drippy all day.  Plus I feel a bit 'cuddly' like I want to wrap myself in a blanket and huddle, and I don't mean that in the 'it's cold, winter, brrr' kind of way.

I've been thinking of doing a bit of 'tidying', the past day or 2.  I feel so uneasy, unsettled and unable to relax because of the burglary, and, like I said previously, I want to minimise the 'stealable' stuff I own.  I feel so insecure, knowing that, if anyone wants to, they bloodywell can just break in at any time and there's not a flippin' thing we can do to stop them.  Even if we had fort-knox-esque security, they'd still be able to get in.

Read a story this morning about a Melbourne couple who arrived home to find an intruder in their house, and he stabbed the husband 3 times and stabbed at the woman before escaping.  How FUCKED UP is this whole world, when people COME HOME, to their own home, to find someone WHO SHOULDN'T BLOODYWELL BE THERE, only to be attacked and wounded by the intruder?!  That's what 'intruding' means - not supposed to be there.  The bastard shouldn't even BE THERE, let alone ATTACK THEM!  It's just so wrong... so wrong.

Ok, rant over (at least, for that story).  So yes, I want to minimise the 'value' of stuff I own, but then I'm left wondering, if someone DOES break in, only to find nothing to reward their efforts, they'd probably be angry and brutalise everything in the house, including the fishtank and bird cage (and Bird).  I don't even want to think about it... but can't not.

And then, to make things even MORE happy and restful of late, there's this whole spate of hacking going on.  The whole PSN/govt/CIA/whatever/and ever being hacked, which really makes me want to close every account/ID I have online.

Where are we safe, anymore?  Were we ever safe?  But, in this day and age (such a corny phrase, that), how can you get by without online accounts?  There's no alternative path anymore...

I think I want to become a monk, or maybe even just a monkey.

Pic from Monkey Pictures

A little less lowjo

My mojo has recovered fractionally.  It may have been PMS pushing me over the ledge into rant, but for now, Ranty McRantpants is off duty.

Yesterday we heard about the lunar eclipse and on hearing that we would be able to watch it (ie, that it wasn't already past), I set my alarm for 4am.  I pressed snooze twice, so we only got up at 4:20 but we frozenly went and sat in 'my' spare room to watch through the window.  We couldn't have chosen a better spot, actually, as the moon went straight down in the middle of the window!  Also, I pulled out a spare blanket from the cupboard in there, so we were able to avoid freezing solid while we watched.

It was quite pretty... in that kind of awe-inspiring way where you realise that the moon, that constant in our lives, is WAYYYYYYYYYYYY over there, not 'hanging out in the sky' like a rainbow or a cloud, it's out there, in SPACE!  The immense distance, and the incredible size of the moon (never mind the other planets or the sun), is once again reinstilled and I, for one, felt so lucky to be in a nice, secure house, sitting cuddled up with G and a blanket, looking through a window, rather than out there in the cold emptiness of space.

UTTERLY unrelated, but I think I should buy the Heart Strings pillow kit.  It's still available on 123Stitch, but is no longer available on JCA's website (it doesn't come up if you do a search), which I think may mean that they have discontinued it and if I don't buy one NOW, I'll miss out on it.  I did look at the pic of it and it seems like it'd match Spirit Horses quite well as they're both black fabric with bright butter-yellow cording.  Thankfully, we have a 1-seater, a 2-seater and a 3-seater couch so if they really clash and don't get along well at all, they can go on separate couches!  Plus, by the time I actually get to do Heart Strings, I'll be Miss SuperPro Stitcher, and will be up for a challenge which Heart Strings would certainly present, not being simple cross-stitch but crewel!

Ok, I know, I have a serious backlog of projects... !  But admittedly I did see Heart Strings before deciding not to buy anything more ever again, so it can be my stitching-shopping swansong...

Something that's been behaving weirdly lately is Blogger for Android.  I keep getting notifications about a blogpost being successfully posted, when it was posted DAYS ago.  WTF?

And on another unrelated note, seeing how cathartic blogging about stuff is, I wanted to spit out all the things that make me miss my stuff.  For now, I'm going to focus on my ring/s:

I miss my wedding ring in particular, because I wore it instead of the engagement ring once we got the wedding rings.  Not that I don't miss my engagement ring though.  I miss my (wedding) ring, when I walk with shopping and I don't feel the ring pressing my finger as the bag handle squashes my fingers together.  I miss it when I wash up and I don't have to take it off before putting the gloves on.  I miss it when I wash my hands, because I used to make sure that I didn't leave soap under the ring, and as I was also cautious not to let it come off in the basin/in the towel when drying my hands.  I miss taking it off at night and putting it next to my watch on my bedside table.  I miss seeing it next to my watch, on the bedside table.  I miss it when I feel the metal link sturdiness of my watch on my wrist and I don't feel the petite presence of my ring on my finger, because I used to put both on in the morning, without fail.

That's all I feel like blogging about for now, as I'm cold and it's time to make a hot water bottle.  Ahh, small luxuries.

These days

Things don't seem to be going very fantastically lately.

Maybe it's tinged with PMS... which is kak in itself for having a negative effect on things.

But really, it's been 2.5 months and counting and I still don't have a job.  I've applied for over 70 jobs now, been to 9 interviews, had exactly one day of work, and been told that I am not dressed professionally enough (both by the interviewing recruitment agent lady AND hearing from her that that's what the company I did the one day of work for thought of me).  Slather on that makeup, bitch, and wear BUSINESS-SUITS because that's what's CORPORATE, you know, never mind what you can actually do.  And here I was looking for an admin job because you don't HAVE to be the goddamn face of the company... otherwise I'd be applying for frontline receptionist positions...?

It's getting pretty fucking old looking at job ads and having to endure reading about FANTASTIC OPPORTUNITIES TO WORK FOR THE MOST DYNAMIC COMPANY EVARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

So... yeah, a bit lowjo on the mojo right now.

Adding to my IRRITATION is the fact that I was signed up for a superannuation fund (compulsory pension fund jobbie they have in Aus), by the recruitment agency I did the one-day-job for, ON THE DAY of the one-day-job... only for them NOT EVEN PUTTING ANY MONEY INTO IT!

The annoyance of a) being signed up without asking (even though they're legallly required to pay towards it, it's still rude), b) having to register online which is a pain, c) looking at the account balance online and seeing a $0 balance and a -$6 transaction for admin fees, d) having to phone and find out about it, TWICE because the first person didn't make much sense and I thought I'd be paying a $1.55 weekly admin fee backdated to the date the company opened my fund account... before they even pay into it which might be end of this month OR end of next month e) hearing from the second guy that 'they won't pay anything unless you're earning over $450 per month... the account will stay $0 and it will be closed'.

So, in essence, the annoyance of being irritated by the annoying pointlessness of a super-fund for 1 day of work only to find out that it's not even a super, it's just... a waste of paper.  I get signed up for a super-fund that they don't even pay into, only for it to be closed.  W00t.

Everything feels a little pointless right now.

Hunting for my damn stuff on ebay and gumtree and wherever else.  I'm so tired of it.  I don't know why I bother... actually, I think I do.  It's cos I have nothing else to do.  Really.  I don't *feel* like stitching and can't be bothered to play computer games or PSP games or anything.  I just don't feel like it.  I just don't feel like doing anything else like chores either (who ever wants to do chores)... don't care about this house to want to do weeding or cleaning outside or other things like that.  Sick of applying for jobs.  Can't be bothered looking for places to rent because we aren't even able to move until late August anyway and any houses available now won't be in August.

I just feel like... I wish I could be somewhere else.  Lying on a bench in the sun.  Nothing to worry about.  I don't know.  I'm just not having a wonderful time these days.

Interesting

Blogging via my phone adds pics which can't be clicked to view larger.  And the pic is reduced horribly too, so you cannot in actual fact see anything useful in the pic I posted last.

Also, I was referring to the outlining on the 'model' and chart, specifically around the greeny ring around the 'sun'/gold disk behind the geese, and the outlining of the feathers.

This pic would show you what I mean, although it too is a bit small:

Silliness...

I have, as weird as it feels, been stitching. I've been persisting with Wedding Blessing, and since I haven't posted any pics of it for ages, I thought it was time.

I have also decided that the detailing/outlining stitches are a bit cruddy, so I'm going to do my own thing when doing those. The "circle" thing behind the geese and the feathers looks dumb, like a pixellated dot-matrix print of the early 90s. Watch this space...

A bird pic

Just felt like sharing a pic of the budge...

After-effects

Yes, still not over this whole burglary thing.

Might take a while.

I realised yesterday (although I've been semi-aware of everything, it's just not bubbled to the surface until now) that whoever stole my laptops could so easily bypass the log-on password and steal all my 'data'.  I've been horrified ever since googling and finding actual apps to do that.  All my photos and videos and documents and saved files and stuff.

I kinda feel sick like I shouldn't even mention it on here in case they read my blog to keep tabs on me and then think I have something worth digging for.  I hate this!!  Parafuckingnoia!!!!!

A friend I was chatting to earlier said in all likelihood they would simply format both laptops, rather than sukkel (Afrikaans word for struggle) with getting into the files.

That's a small comfort, but I'm still SO PISSED OFF about it.  And what of my FUCKING PHONE!  No sim-pin, or phone-pin, or memory-card password... heaven knows why, ARGH!!  Private, that's my goddamn phone, ARGH!!

Never mind the monetary value of BOTH goddamn laptops and my phone (never mind the rings - they don't hold personal things apart from memories which are in my head) stolen from me, but the stuff saved on them is stolen too!!!!  I just... I can't get my head around it... it has NO VALUE to anyone else... I feel so angry and frustrated because I just cannot vent all this anger - it's got no direction whatsoever because there is NOTHING THAT I CAN GET ANGRY AT!  So frustrated!

It's not like there was a fight over my stuff and I was beaten and the laptops were taken as a result... there's nobody who did it who I can confront when next I see them... there's just nothing. Just nothing, where my laptops and phone were, where all the saved things were, all my stuff.  Nothing, now.

It makes me want to 'streamline' my life in a different way now.  Like I said before, I don't really want this laptop anymore, I just don't feel like saving things on it, or 'investing' any of myself in it.  In the same way, I don't want to buy things anymore... like, I realised while hitting a wall with stitching*, that... once I finish the stash of projects, I don't really want to buy and do any more.  I don't want to acquire any more things.  I have things already.  I feel rather that I should experience things instead.  Rather DO things than spend money on cross stitch kits and pretty things or valuable things like the wedding/engagement rings, not that we can afford to replace them anyway :-( 

I want to be self-sufficient and independent and unattached to THINGS.  Things just are lose-able or steal-able or break-able... it's no good being attached to things... it just hurts if you're attached to it and it's gone. Which is pretty stupid in the first place.

* The 'wall' with stitching is completely irrational and there's nothing much I can do about it:


- I don't want to start a new project (Spirit Horses pillow or Motion), because then I'll have 3 things 'unfinished' and I fear losing interest and never finishing any of them.

- I'm enjoying the process of stitching, but I'm not ENJOYING Apache Wedding Blessing.  I don't know why, maybe because it's not an 'alive' thing (like the horses etc, so far), but I just don't feel a bond with it.  It IS special, the words are special, but while stitching, I'm not really *feeling it* if that makes any sense.  It's just 8 more colours until I'm finished.  I'm persisting with it though.

- I have come to a stop with Gentle Strength.  I just (for now) can't get over the fact that I was busy stitching it and was (as always when on a roll) reluctant to stop and get ready to go out... and that I left it where it was because I wanted to carry on ASAP when we got home... and left the laptop, in sleep-mode, where it was, and went out to karate, only to come back to our whole life being changed.  I put it away, carelessly I spose, I just wanted it off the table and put away because seeing it there was like a lie of normalcy, when the blank space where the laptop was stuck out so glaringly... it was almost hurtful.  I've even moved the big table into the middle of the lounge so I'm not sitting in that same corner. 

I just hate this house now, don't trust it and resent it for its size and spread-out-ness.  I hate the fact that I was sitting right by the windows and front door, brightly lit by the stitching lamp, so perfectly SPY-ON-ABLE.  Yes, my damn vocabulary has gone to the crapper, but whatever.  I feel now like wtf did I sit there for?  I wish I never sat there.  Never chatted on my laptop there.  Never stitched and paused to reply to an sms there.  Anyone could have sneaked up to the window and watched me... I feel so angry about it.  I hate it and this house.  I hate the false sense of security we had.

Dear all

I just want to apologise for being a misery-bag about this whole thing.

I am sorry, and I am trying to deal with it.

I'm don't write this blog for funnyness-sake, or for anecdotes and entertainment, it's not a gossip blog about the stars, it's not a 'tips and hints for success in the kitchen' or anything, it's just my scribble-book, so it can get a bit down at times.

It's part of my trying to deal with it.  By putting things into words, I 'get it out' and can process what I'm feeling and thinking.

And for anyone who reads and thinks I need some help, yes, I'm going to phone a 'victims of crime helpline' or something like that tomorrow.

Partly related, but I don't really want to keep a laptop anymore.  I just feel so unkeen to have something to desirably stealable.  I'd rather have a big hulking room-size computer.  It's like jewellery - why have it if you don't wear it that often and it's oh-so-stealable? Seems pointless.  My mom feels sad for me and even offered to give me (and my sis) a ring each of hers, and although it's sweet and a sentimental gesture and I'd love to have one (for sentiment's sake), I just couldn't - I don't want any ring or expensive thing like that, includes the laptop.  If anyone burgles then, they'll find FUCK ALL to steal... and that'd be great.

At least with a PSP or camera or other electronics thing, if it gets stolen, it doesn't contain 'personal' things like saved files (apart from game data).  That's what's shit - all the photos I'd taken since arriving here were PROMPTLY (remember the bubbly, efficient personality, people!!) downloaded onto the laptop.

And if I hadn't been so keen on having all our papers in order and within easy reach in case of fire and we'd have to grab and run, whoever the FUCK IT WAS wouldn't have found the valuation certificates of the rings.

I feel so angry still... so let me just sign off from this now and say... yes, I... am... going... to... go... speak... to... someone...