Dear all

I just want to apologise for being a misery-bag about this whole thing.

I am sorry, and I am trying to deal with it.

I'm don't write this blog for funnyness-sake, or for anecdotes and entertainment, it's not a gossip blog about the stars, it's not a 'tips and hints for success in the kitchen' or anything, it's just my scribble-book, so it can get a bit down at times.

It's part of my trying to deal with it.  By putting things into words, I 'get it out' and can process what I'm feeling and thinking.

And for anyone who reads and thinks I need some help, yes, I'm going to phone a 'victims of crime helpline' or something like that tomorrow.

Partly related, but I don't really want to keep a laptop anymore.  I just feel so unkeen to have something to desirably stealable.  I'd rather have a big hulking room-size computer.  It's like jewellery - why have it if you don't wear it that often and it's oh-so-stealable? Seems pointless.  My mom feels sad for me and even offered to give me (and my sis) a ring each of hers, and although it's sweet and a sentimental gesture and I'd love to have one (for sentiment's sake), I just couldn't - I don't want any ring or expensive thing like that, includes the laptop.  If anyone burgles then, they'll find FUCK ALL to steal... and that'd be great.

At least with a PSP or camera or other electronics thing, if it gets stolen, it doesn't contain 'personal' things like saved files (apart from game data).  That's what's shit - all the photos I'd taken since arriving here were PROMPTLY (remember the bubbly, efficient personality, people!!) downloaded onto the laptop.

And if I hadn't been so keen on having all our papers in order and within easy reach in case of fire and we'd have to grab and run, whoever the FUCK IT WAS wouldn't have found the valuation certificates of the rings.

I feel so angry still... so let me just sign off from this now and say... yes, I... am... going... to... go... speak... to... someone...