Dear X

Hi X

 

I wish we could be like normal people... sharing a relationship like normal people.

 

I wish we could hang out, and chat about things, spend time with each other, sharing experiences and growing together.

 

I wish our relationship wasn't one-sided despite a desperate need for it to be two-way.

 

I wish it wasn't all about offloading... just pouring out of endless, unsolveable problems, which I have tried making suggestions about...

 

An endless cycle of how she treats you, because you LET her treat you like that.  You always have.  She's always been like that, it's not my doing, it has nothing to do with me.  It has never had anything to do with me... my whole life, I've sat to the side and been excluded from it... I've wished she would stop, that you'd stop her, but you never did.  You still don't.  And now you can't.

 

It shouldn't have anything to do with you and me, our relationship, but somehow it always does.  It's always poured all over me:  the misery and complaints, partnered with a clawing need for comfort which I can't give.  It's the kind of comfort that one can only get from oneself... and yet you can't... and I wonder, now, whether you ever could.

 

I am only able to show you that I care by spending time with you and doing things with you... but I can't.  I can't share with you parts of my life - yes, I actually do have a life.  A real, grown-up life, with its own problems and trials, but also with its own joys and fun.  But you aren't really part of it.  I could try invite you in, except... it's like we're in two rooms separated by a long passage, and my door is open, but yours isn't.

 

Sometimes, I really could do with your care, just a small part of you, just sometimes.  Sometimes, significant things happen, which we should, I guess, share.  Something's coming up, soon, and I really could do with your support.  Scratch that, I really could do with just being able to talk to you about it.  But I can't.  I guess I should get used to that.  I don't see what else I can do.