GOOD MORNING *insert twitching, forced smile here*

Hi everyone.

As you may (or may not) notice, I'm blogging on a Saturday morning (I was going to say "far earlier than I usually do" but then noticed blogger's timestamps are seriously wonky - there is no way in hell I'd be up at 3:20am blogging even if I did have something urgent to say). "Why?", you may ask. For a list of reasons:

a) we have a neighbour

b) the neighbour is a moron

c) the neighbour has a child

d) the child is a moron

e) the child has tantrums every morning from 6am (yes including weekends)

f) the neighbour DOES NOTHING to stop the tantrums

g) the child drags or pushes (does it matter??) his furniture around on the tiled floor as part of his performance

h) the child bashes things (probably furniture) against the walls as part of his performance

i) the child scrapes things along the walls as part of his performance

j) the child bangs things which sound like bowling balls or bricks on the tiled floor as part of his performance

k) the child wails and screams and whines loudly as part of his performance

l) a tantrum performance such as detailed above can go on from anything like 15mins to 2.5hours

m) once you have been woken up by something like this which is a shock to your system, you are not likely to fall asleep again

n) after a while of persevering in bed, tossing and turning and sighing and CURSING like hell, you can't stay in bed anymore

o) since you can't play music loudly or make your own noise (because of complaints from OTHER neighbours, who actually are very nice) to drown out that bastard unwanted shit son-of-a-bitch child, you have to sit quietly in the lounge ENJOYING the performance from below it

p) you then have to decide whether you are going to:

i) find a knife and slit your wrists,
ii) run out into the street and beat up random litterboxes (or dirtbags),
iii) find a spade, knock on their door and use spade to kill aforementioned neighbour plus child,
iv) use aforementioned spade to bash your way through the wall and kill the aforementioned neighbour plus child,
v) use your head to bash through wall and spew blood on aforementioned neighbour plus child before you kill them with aforementioned spade or knife which you unsuccessfully used to slit your wrists,
vi) anything else which comes to mind once you have happened upon that merry colour red which appears before your eyes.