Slow disintegration

Depressed.  I think that's what I am feeling right now.

I'm feeling caged, but not as a tiger.  I don't have the vitality, right now, to be called a 'tiger'.  I feel more like a potato, left in the dark, back corner of the cupboard, behind everything else.

I want to go out, I want to go out this evening in fact, but I don't want it to be a FORCED outing.  I don't want to go this evening because we HAVE to go this evening because there is no other time to go.  I don't WANT to go collect my drivers' Saturday morning beCAUSE we can't go any other time.  I'm tired of this hamster-wheel.

I just heard hbbm tell someone on the phone that he's on leave next week.  Instantly, I feel a dull dread because miss madam receptionist is probably going to be in her ELEMENT saying 'if you're not busy, I just want to...' so that she can be awol.  And, because he's on leave, I WON'T be busy so I will have to shut up and stand in for her.  Fuck I hate this powerless position.

I guess I have seesawing emotions, maybe it's my piscean nature or maybe it's because I'm a girl or maybe because I'm mentally unstable or maybe I'm too sensitive to sugar-levels or light-levels or hormone-levels or whatever, but I'm THRILLED because we finally got our wedding rings!!  They took a week and 2 days to make them!  I'm so so happy with mine, and I love G's ring too.  And to our EX-jeweller I say TAKE THAT MUTHAFUGAH!!  What a loser, I'm so glad he stuffed up in a way, because it means he didn't get our business!

Anyway... I think I blogged about hbbm 'scolding' me for something he gave me to do on Thursday and I wasn't sorting it out.  Well, about 20mins ago, he completely overrode what I'd accomplished.  The lady I was dealing with was trying to get their copy of the document back from the company they'd given it to, so that it could be exchanged for the uptodate version we have.  But now, hbbm says 'this needs to be put into an email so that when people ask about this, there's a formal written record of it'.  So, he dictates an email that *I* must send (as me), to this lady, saying that only 6 pages of the document had changed, and if she would prefer, I can email her the updated pages.  This, after I'd obfuscated and told her that 'the change affects the whole document' because I did not in fact know what *had* changed, and was trying to get across the fact that we do need the documents exchanged and not just updated pages sent out.  Because I thought it was VITAL that the old one be returned to us.  No, hbbm says 'as long as the date is on the updated pages, it's 100% fine to send them out'.

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

If you WANTED this whole thing done YOUR WAY, why not give me THE INSTRUCTIONS HOW TO DO IT YOUR WAY, FROM THE OUTSET!!!!

 

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

How DUMB!!!!!