I hate

Today I feel very hateful.

It has been bloody busy all day. I was at work earlier than usual and I still didn't get to finish my oats. They went cold (as did my coffee but I gulped that down regardless) so I had to dump them in the bin.

It's basically just gone downhill from there.

I haven't had a break until now, 13:10 (no teabreak, hardly even a chance to breathe!)... the tealady buggered off somewhere so the receptionist had to stand in for her so I had to stand in for the receptionist! As if I wasn't busy enough. Hbbm kept dumping more and more things on me, rearranging their priority so I had to stop in the middle of things and do whatever he said I have to do right then.

I hate "receiving" corporate gifts. What it really is is that ppl deliver stuff at reception and she just dumps it on MY desk, regardless of the fact that is SAYS my boss's name. But I still have to get the joy of picking it up and moving it 1ft across onto his side of my desk, behind my computer monitor. It is NOT for me, don't put it on my keyboard/chair/desk!

I hate the way he is so disinterested in them. He gets a shitload of stuff every single year, and each time he gets anything, he's like "oh what must I do with THIS now...." "oh god, not another one" and stuff. He just takes it and puts it in his office. The one time, the receptionist had put a little paper bag of sweets and things on my desk, and I was (disbelieving) a little surprised thinking that maybe someone had got me something. Nope, it had his name on it, so I moved it to his part of the desk. He comes past a while later, and asks whether it's mine, so I say no. He says "god, what is it... (looks in the bag). Do you get gifts from anyone?" "no..." I walk away to take my mug to the kitchen. WHY did he ask that? What for??? To rub it in? Thanks, boss, thanks very much.

I hate the way the accountant dumps HER work on me. Invoicing. It's NOT MY job to do accounts. That's what ACCOUNTants do. But no, I get to do hbbm's accounts. And now, another "task" has been palmed off onto me. Rather smugly, to add to it.

I hate the way hbbm asks me whether I've done something he's given me to do when CLEARLY I haven't had a chance to because he's just interrupted me and made me drop it and do something else. What does he think, I'm siamese and can do two things at once??

I hate this company. I hate it more each day because of the scaly little things they do. I was grubbing around in the shared folders on the network (not private stuff at all) and found a pro-forma employment contract. I never got one. All I did was sign a letter and keep a signed copy for myself. Charming.

I hate the way they use unlicensed software. Surely if they're a decent, profiting company they can AFFORD it? Why install something on my computer and tell me not to register it and then warn me I only have 50 chances to use it else it'll break and they won't be able to reload it on my machine. WTF? Just BUY the goddamn licenses already people!

I hate the way they scummily

**** Ok that was how far I got yesterday (Wednesday) - it just got busier and busier and busier. Today has been damn busy too. Now that I am waiting for hbbm to come back for me to carry on with the work, I am falling asleep. I am exhausted.

I still hate this place. I confirmed last night by looking in my paperwork at home that I never got a letter saying I had been promoted. I just got a "salary package revision" letter. Fuckers. So I was never promoted, ever. The only place it MENTIONS my NOT being receptionist is my payslip.

I am so sick of everything now. Apparently hbbm is only going to be in on Tuesday (not the whole week as I thought) but it's hardly consolation. I am so so sick and tired. I really am so tired. So tired, frustrated I could cry. Except I'm too tired to cry.

Yet again I'm reminded how much I fucking hate being "human". Why the hell am I working? Why am I getting a "salary", which is taxed, then buying stuff with what is LEFT, to pay 14% of everything's price OVER AND ABOVE that as tax, and then whatever the HELL I have left over in my bank account is essentially TAXED just for having anything LEFT! Bank charges!!!! Is it EVER REALLY MY GODDAMN MONEY????????

Why do you have to PAY MONEY to fucking DIE! You die, and woops, now you're owing X amount of money because of it.

What IS THE POINT?!

What honestly is the point.

We have made provisional plans/decisions that we want to take a month off for honeymoon. But if I'm going to be CHANGING jobs, I won't have leave enough by then to TAKE an entire month off. I am SO STUCK.

I don't know what to do. I don't want anything. I don't want tomorrow (fuck them and their "office lunch", bastards), I don't want the weekend because it means the next week of torture is already close. I don't want a holiday because it is too short for me to regain my spirit. I don't know how I will have the strength to come back to this shit hole. I will just have to autopilot myself around.

I don't want anything. I want time out, real time out. I want time out so that I can bloody-well do OTHER things than work and feel depressed because the next day is work again, and closer when I go to sleep. I want to be able to BREATHE the outside air, GO AWAY from cockroaches and shit like that. I don't want to wash dishes, I don't want to wash clothes, I don't want to put things in to take to work for lunch, I don't want to wake up with the alarm because I have to go to hell for the day. I don't want to be in traffic, watching people drive like MORONS. I don't want to be in queues, I don't want to be anything. I want nothing. Nothingness?