Thursday, March 22, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
.JPG)
Hehehe, South African English - ohkeyi
Ok cuck = kak, caapie is something we don't say, cafe we don't pronounce as cayf and no one calls it a bioscope unless they're around 182 years old (if they even had bioscopes in those days). And the entry for "Shame" is VERY funny!
South African Jargon - a Survival Guide For Visitors
We're having a braai
What is a braai? It is the first thing you will be invited to when you visit a South African expat or are invited to a 'do' in South Africa. A braai is a backyard barbecue and it will take place whatever the weather. So you will have to go even if it's raining like mad and you have a hang of a cold. At a braai you will be introduced to a substance known as 'mealiepap'. Read further for an explanation of pap.
Now that you know what a braai is, here are some other words and phrases you will encounter when talking to a South African. It is also a useful guide if you happen to be visiting South Africa. The words listed here are used by folk of all persuasions, genders and ethnic backgrounds. You really do need to know what they mean!
Ag
This is one of the most useful South African words. Pronounced like the 'ach' in the German 'achtung', it can be used to start a reply when you are asked a tricky question, as in, 'Ag, I don't know'. Or a sense of resignation: 'Ag, I'll have some more pap then'. It can stand alone, too, as a signal of irritation or of pleasure.
Biltong
Similar to jerky, it is dried, salted meat and can be made from beef, ostrich, antelope or anything that was once alive and fairly large. It is usual for expatriate South Africans to say, 'What I really miss is my biltong, man'.
Bioscope
Pronounced 'byscope', and sometimes it is reduced to 'bio' or 'scopes'. Its use is going out of fashion and, in some urban areas, regrettably, it is being replaced by 'movies' and 'flicks', but you may still be asked if you would like to go to the bioscope.
Blooming
Pronounced 'blimming', it is roughly equivalent to 'helluva', as in, 'Ag, that pap I had at the braai made me blooming sick'. For emphasis, blooming can be replaced by bladdy, which in turn is a corruption of the British/Australian 'bloody'.
Bra
Not a piece of ladies' underwear, bra is pronounced with a softer, shorter 'a' as 'bruh'. It originated in Cape Town (see Caapies) meaning 'brother' or 'friend'. The Pretoria version of bra might be bru, derived from the Afrikaans word 'broer', also meaning 'brother' or 'close friend'. Both have the same meaning, but it would be a faux pas to use the wrong version when speaking to the wrong group. You would not for example say 'Hey bru' to a Caapie.
Bunny-chow
Originating in Kwa-zulu Natal (KZN), a bunny-chow is a hollowed-out loaf of bread filled with minced beef. You may be offered a bunny-chow at a braai and can readily accept if you have a healthy appetite. However, never order a bunny-chow from a restaurant in KZN unless you're a chilli lover and like the sensation of your tastebuds escaping through your ears and nose.
Caapie
Generally a Capetonian, or a person who hails from, or has lived for some time in, Cape Town. Capetonians are generally thought to be affected by the magnetic influences of Table Mountain and slow down, as if operating in a time-distortion. Capetonians can be easily identified driving very slowly in the wrong lanes of highways all over Johannesburg (Vaalies assume it's because they get lost anywhere without a mountain to guide them).
Cafe
This is the generic term for convenience stores and is pronounced 'caffee' or 'cayf'. Traditionally operated by people of Portuguese, Greek or Asian ancestry, the cafe it is a good place to buy smokes, biltong or the Alka Seltzer you will need after trying pap at the braai. Corner cafes have since been replaced by petrol station 'quick-shops', but these will still be referred to as the corner cafe.
Cape Doctor
Older residents of Cape Town give this name to the south-easter that blows in summer months, usually forming a flat, rolling cloud over Table Mountain - the 'tablecloth' - and sometimes shutting down harbour operations. It was called the Cape Doctor because old-timers said it blew all of the city's bad air out to sea, along with accumulated street rubbish, discarded newspapers and suchlike.
China
Meaning friend1 or used as a substitute for the pronoun 'you' in some places. As in, 'Ag, China, you missed the braai yesterday!, or a more threatening usage, 'Watchit, China!' meaning, 'hey you, watch out!'. Most commonly used to identify male friends or between men, but can be heard amongst women in some areas.
Cuck
The less offensive and softer alternative to the swearword, sh*t. Mostly used to evaluate conversation or action, such as 'You are talking cuck', or, 'That was a really cuck thing that she did'. The descriptive use of the word when referring to people can be cuckster - a person who habitually talks cuck. These people are generally assumed to bend the truth. Cuck is also used to identify most kinds of mess, ie, 'The guys had a braai last night and now they expect me to clean up their cuck'.
Doll
A term of affection between males and females, it is used mostly in the Johannesburg area. A corrupted form of 'darling', it will be heard thus:
Your turn to take out the dustbin, Doll
But I took it out the last time, Doll
Well take the bladdy thing out again, Doll
Donner
A rude word, it comes from the Afrikaans 'donder' (thunder). Pronounced 'dorner', it means 'beat up'. Your rugby team can get donnered in a game, or your boss can donner you if you do a lousy job.
Eina
Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived from the Afrikaans, means 'ouch'. Pronounced 'aynah', you can shout it out in sympathy when someone burns his finger on a hot potato at a braai.
Eitah
A greeting pronounced 'ay-tah'. Used in the place of 'hey there you' in greeting, ie, 'Eitah, bra!' meaning, 'Hello there, brother'.
Fixed up
This means 'good'. An example is this exchange:
You don't have to take the dustbin out, Doll, I took it already
Fixed up, Doll
Gogga
This is an insect, a bug, and all three of the g's are pronounced as though you are about to spit. South Africa is rich in goggas, some of them cute - like the harmless mantis and the intriguing stick insect - but others are disgraceful. The cockroach is the most disliked, especially when it's flying. Natal has some monsters that could challenge Florida cockroaches any day. In its early days, the country's state-run TV service earned the enmity of viewers by scheduling a documentary on cockroaches at a time when millions of South Africans were sitting down in front of their sets with their Sunday evening meals on their laps. A highlight was how to dissect a cockroach. It did not go down well with the Sunday lunch leftovers. A dissected cockroach is even more unsettling than a whole one.
Another particularly resented gogga is the Parktown Prawn - a cricket the size of a queen prawn, tastefully coloured bright red and black by Mother Nature to give a clear warning to all in its vicinity. Parktown Prawns, like skunks, spray a smelly black ink when frightened, hide in dustbins, and can be a real party-pooper at a braai.
Guava
Everybody knows that a guava is a fruit - and a bladdy lekker one too. It is especially nice stewed and served cold with smooth custard, as lots of boarding school students will affirm. Guava juice is refreshing at breakfast. But, in South Africa, a guava is also a backside, a butt, a bum. If someone is behaving in an annoying manner, you can threaten to 'skop (kick) him up his guava'. But it is inappropriate and politically incorrect to issue this warning to someone who is not a good friend; it will be taken amiss. Also, it is not polite to laugh if the Cape Doctor bowls a stranger over on to his or her guava.
Hang of
This is the same as the British/American 'heck of', as in, 'I have a hang of a headache', or, 'I had a hang of a good time at the braai'.
Hap
Pronounced 'hup', this means 'bite', and is used in the following fashion: 'Give me a hap of your apple. Ag, please'.
Howzit?
Howzit, pronounced 'how-z-eet', literally means 'how is it', but is used to ask after the health or welbeing of a bra or a china. These days it's used more as a greeting requiring no response, expediently cutting out all the pleasantries:
Hello, how are you?
Fine, how are you?
...can all be replaced by, 'Howzit!' and a like reply of, say, 'Hey! Howzit china!'
Isit?
This is a great word in conversations. Derived from the two words 'is' and 'it, it can be used when you have nothing to contribute. If someone at the brai tells you: 'The Russians will succeed in their bid for capitalism once they adopt a work ethic and respect for private ownership', it is appropriate to respond by saying, 'Isit?'
Jawelnofine
This is another conversation fall-back word. Derived from the four words 'yes', 'well', 'no' and 'fine', it means roughly 'how about that'. If your bank manager tells you your account is overdrawn, you can say with confidence, 'jawelnofine'.
Jislaaik
Pronounced 'yis-like', it is an expression of astonishment. For instance, if someone tells you there are a billion people in China, a suitable comment is, 'Jislaaik, that's a hang of a lot of people, hey'.
Just now
Universally used, it means 'eventually' and sometimes 'never'. If someone says he will do something 'just now', it could be in ten minutes or tomorrow. Or maybe he won't do it at all.
Kiff
Thought to have originated in the KwaZulu Natal region, kiff can cover everything positive, as in, 'Jislaaik, that was a kiff braai'. Or, in response to, 'So we'll pick you up some biltong at the cafe, china?' one could hear the reply 'Kiff, doll', indicating the affirmative.
Lappie
A lappie, pronounced 'luppy', is a cloth, a rag, used to wipe up a mess. You will find it in a machine shop to clean up oil spills, in a bar to wipe away spilled beer, or in the nursery where a baby who is munching a rusk2 needs its face and hands hosed down and lappied every three minutes.
Lekker
An Afrikaans word meaning 'nice', this word is used by all language groups to express approval. If you see somene of the opposite sex who is good-looking, you can exclaim, 'Lekkerrr!' while drawing out the last syllable, although that usage is now thought to be politically incorrect in some areas.
Make A Plan
You will hear this good old South African phrase quite a lot. It means 'things might be screwed right now but we'll think of something just now'. If you miss the bus to the airport, the hotel receptionist may say, 'Don't worry man - we'll make a plan'. If that plan includes the hiring of a taxi, you may want to think twice about it.
No
This word has many meanings in South Africa other than the opposite of 'yes'. Your host at the braai is likely to say, 'No, I see your plate is empty. You want some more pap? Another example: if the clerk in a shoe shop asks if she can help, you may reply, 'No, I'm looking for some tackies'. This means, 'Yes, I'm looking for some tackies'.
Oke
A 'guy' or 'chap' or 'bloke'. If you quite like someone you can say, 'Ag, he is an OK oke'. Instead of oke you can also say ou, which is pronounced 'oh'.
Pap
Encountered at braais, pap is boiled cornmeal. Pronounced 'pup' it has the appearance, consistency and, many say, the taste of moist Plaster of Paris. Lots of South Africans pretend to like it. Eating pap is character-building in the sense that an individual learns to grin and bear adversity, rather like Americans in the South have grown spiritually by consuming grits. In a religious context, this process is called self-flagellation.
Poitjie
Pronounced 'poi-kie'. This is a large cast-iron cauldron with three legs into which is thrown whatever is in the fridge or pantry - with considerable discussion and debate over the appropriate order of the layers - and left on a fire for a few hours resulting in a meal for a small army. Poitjie-art, like braaing is an acceptable pastime for a South African male, unlike traditional cooking or baking, which will take quite a few more years to catch on across the majority of the male population (from all cultural backgrounds). Be very wary of poitjies from unknown sources!
Pull in
Literally, 'come on over' or used in the form of an invitation. As in, 'That ou invited me to his braai on Saturday. You should pull in'. Thought to orginate from the days of drive-ins and roadhouses indicating that one would arrive in a bakkie3 or other motor car.
Sarmie
Sandwich.
Shame
Like no, this word can mean the opposite of its meaning in other parts of the world. If someone shows you a baby, you can say, 'Ag, shame'. This does not mean the baby is ugly, it means the baby is cute. If the baby is ugly, it is more accurate to say, 'Shame, hey'. If the baby is truly hideous, it is appropriate to say, Jislaaik'. This may not be appreciated by the baby's parents.
Sharp
With origins in the 'townships', sharp can be used as a substitute for fixed up or 'yes' or 'ok', perhaps in the following manner:
Howzit, china?
Sharp!
This is an incredibly versatile word and can be inserted just about anywhere as a one-word affirmative or encouraging response. As in:
See you at the braai, skat?
Sharp!
Skabenga
Meaning 'thief', 'liar', or 'general miscreant'. If you don't want to invite someone to your braai you could explain by saying, 'That ou is a real skabenga'. Pronounced 'ske-beng-ga'.
Skat
Or skattie. An affectionate term used between couples and originating from the Afrikaans 'skatlam'. As in:
Are you making me a sarmie, skattie?
Ja!
Fixed up!
Skinder, Skinner, Skinnerbek
Gossip is one of life's little pleasures, and that is what skinder is - gossip. The word is usually pronounced without a hard 'd' and most people will simply call it skinner. A skinnerbek is someone who does it a lot, commonly without paying too much attention to the facts. Such a person can be very popular at office tea breaks, at parties and other social gatherings - unless the skinner is about you, in which case the skinnerbek is a louse who deserves a skop up the guava.
Skop, Skiet en Donder
Literally 'kick, shoot and thunder' in Afrikaans, this phrase is used by many English speakers to describe action movies or any activity that is lively and somewhat primitive. Clint Eastwood is always good for a skop, skiet en donder flick.
Snoep
This is a favourite word, and it is used by all language groups throughout the land. Pronounced 'snoop' with a short 'o' sound as in 'book', it means 'stingy', 'mean', 'selfish'. Be discreet about using it. For example, it may not be a good idea to say to your bank manager, 'Unless I am granted this loan I shall have to conclude that this bank is snoep'. That won't help your cause. Sometimes people use this word when they fuss over their friends' infant children: 'Don't be so snoep with a kiss - gimme a big one'.
Stoorie
Pronounced 'stoor-ee'. From the Afrikaans word 'storie' meaning 'a story', it has come to be used to indicate any kind of drama or convoluted explanation. For example, 'He gave me a hele stoorie about why he was so snoep with the lappies' - in this context meaning 'a whole dramatic tale'.
Stroppy
This word means 'pugnacious', 'difficult', 'aggressive', and it can be used appropriately at any level of conversation. For instance, a child who refuses to eat his stewed guavas can be described as stroppy. Or, you may once have overheard the following comment during a discussion on international affairs: 'This Saddam Hussein - he's a real stroppy ou. But he better watch out because these Yanks are not snoep with their missiles and he could fall on his guava. Big time'.
Tackies
These are sneakers or running shoes. The word is also used to describe automobile or truck tyres. Fat tackies are big tyres, as in, 'Where did you get those lekker fat tackies on your Volksie4, hey?'
Taxi
This word has a completely different meaning in South Africa, other than the vehicles you can individually hire to transport you (on you own or with a friend) from A to B. Due to the severe limits of the public transport sytem in South Africa - which isn't recommended to tourists anyway - a system of combi-taxis has developed over the years, which travel daily or hourly on designated routes. Just about all 16-seater 'combi' vehicles in South Africa are a part of this taxi system, although a driver carrying only 16 passengers would be assumed to be having a very bad day! Taxis of this type are not usually roadworthy and it would be a mistake to assume that they will at any time obey general road usage rules. It would however also not be advisable to express road-rage at the actions of a taxi cutting you off or stopping without warning to take on or let off passengers. South African drivers in general just ignore taxis and give them a wide berth. If one is forced for any reason to catch a taxi it would be a good idea to follow the example of traditional taxi users and stow your wallet and any valuables in your hat, your shoes or in a plain plastic bag and hold this bag with both hands at all times.
Vaalie
These are the creatures that descend in hordes on Cape Town once a year at Christmas time. They traditionally drive Big Expensive Cars and are inevitably towing Venter Trailers, in which they store the kids. In the new South Africa, they are also known as Gauties, this word is derived from 'Gauteng', which is where we wish they would all go back to. Anyway, be nice to animals, hug a Vaalie.
Vrot
A wonderful word that means 'rotten' or 'putrid' in Afrikaans, it is used by all language groups to describe anything they really don't like. Most commonly it describes fruit or vegetables whose shelf lives have long expired, but a pair of takkies worn a few times too often can be termed vrot by unfortunate folk in the same room as the wearer. Also a rugby player who misses important tackles can be said to have played a vrot game, but not to his face because he won't appreciate it.
Vuka
A word of Zulu origin meaning 'wake up'. Can be used in any situation to inspire promt action, such as, 'Vuka wena5; go fetch a lappie to clean up this cuck next to the dustbin!'.
Yebo
From the Zulu word meaning 'yes'. Indicates the affirmative in just about any situation.
With this guide you should have an excellent chance of surviving a trip to South Africa or a visit with a South African expat family. It is truly a magnificent country, the people are friendly and lively and, despite the high crime rate, which one can avoid the influence of if you listen to the warnings of the locals, South Africa is a must-visit for all global travellers.
1 Perhaps borrowed from Cockney rhyming slang, as in 'china plate'='mate'.
2 A hard biscuit found in every household. All babies look like Winston Churchill and all smell of rusks.
3 A South African version of the pick-up truck, but smaller.
4 Volkswagen.
5 Wena, also from Zulu, referring to 'you' in the singular.
South African Jargon - a Survival Guide For Visitors
We're having a braai
What is a braai? It is the first thing you will be invited to when you visit a South African expat or are invited to a 'do' in South Africa. A braai is a backyard barbecue and it will take place whatever the weather. So you will have to go even if it's raining like mad and you have a hang of a cold. At a braai you will be introduced to a substance known as 'mealiepap'. Read further for an explanation of pap.
Now that you know what a braai is, here are some other words and phrases you will encounter when talking to a South African. It is also a useful guide if you happen to be visiting South Africa. The words listed here are used by folk of all persuasions, genders and ethnic backgrounds. You really do need to know what they mean!
Ag
This is one of the most useful South African words. Pronounced like the 'ach' in the German 'achtung', it can be used to start a reply when you are asked a tricky question, as in, 'Ag, I don't know'. Or a sense of resignation: 'Ag, I'll have some more pap then'. It can stand alone, too, as a signal of irritation or of pleasure.
Biltong
Similar to jerky, it is dried, salted meat and can be made from beef, ostrich, antelope or anything that was once alive and fairly large. It is usual for expatriate South Africans to say, 'What I really miss is my biltong, man'.
Bioscope
Pronounced 'byscope', and sometimes it is reduced to 'bio' or 'scopes'. Its use is going out of fashion and, in some urban areas, regrettably, it is being replaced by 'movies' and 'flicks', but you may still be asked if you would like to go to the bioscope.
Blooming
Pronounced 'blimming', it is roughly equivalent to 'helluva', as in, 'Ag, that pap I had at the braai made me blooming sick'. For emphasis, blooming can be replaced by bladdy, which in turn is a corruption of the British/Australian 'bloody'.
Bra
Not a piece of ladies' underwear, bra is pronounced with a softer, shorter 'a' as 'bruh'. It originated in Cape Town (see Caapies) meaning 'brother' or 'friend'. The Pretoria version of bra might be bru, derived from the Afrikaans word 'broer', also meaning 'brother' or 'close friend'. Both have the same meaning, but it would be a faux pas to use the wrong version when speaking to the wrong group. You would not for example say 'Hey bru' to a Caapie.
Bunny-chow
Originating in Kwa-zulu Natal (KZN), a bunny-chow is a hollowed-out loaf of bread filled with minced beef. You may be offered a bunny-chow at a braai and can readily accept if you have a healthy appetite. However, never order a bunny-chow from a restaurant in KZN unless you're a chilli lover and like the sensation of your tastebuds escaping through your ears and nose.
Caapie
Generally a Capetonian, or a person who hails from, or has lived for some time in, Cape Town. Capetonians are generally thought to be affected by the magnetic influences of Table Mountain and slow down, as if operating in a time-distortion. Capetonians can be easily identified driving very slowly in the wrong lanes of highways all over Johannesburg (Vaalies assume it's because they get lost anywhere without a mountain to guide them).
Cafe
This is the generic term for convenience stores and is pronounced 'caffee' or 'cayf'. Traditionally operated by people of Portuguese, Greek or Asian ancestry, the cafe it is a good place to buy smokes, biltong or the Alka Seltzer you will need after trying pap at the braai. Corner cafes have since been replaced by petrol station 'quick-shops', but these will still be referred to as the corner cafe.
Cape Doctor
Older residents of Cape Town give this name to the south-easter that blows in summer months, usually forming a flat, rolling cloud over Table Mountain - the 'tablecloth' - and sometimes shutting down harbour operations. It was called the Cape Doctor because old-timers said it blew all of the city's bad air out to sea, along with accumulated street rubbish, discarded newspapers and suchlike.
China
Meaning friend1 or used as a substitute for the pronoun 'you' in some places. As in, 'Ag, China, you missed the braai yesterday!, or a more threatening usage, 'Watchit, China!' meaning, 'hey you, watch out!'. Most commonly used to identify male friends or between men, but can be heard amongst women in some areas.
Cuck
The less offensive and softer alternative to the swearword, sh*t. Mostly used to evaluate conversation or action, such as 'You are talking cuck', or, 'That was a really cuck thing that she did'. The descriptive use of the word when referring to people can be cuckster - a person who habitually talks cuck. These people are generally assumed to bend the truth. Cuck is also used to identify most kinds of mess, ie, 'The guys had a braai last night and now they expect me to clean up their cuck'.
Doll
A term of affection between males and females, it is used mostly in the Johannesburg area. A corrupted form of 'darling', it will be heard thus:
Your turn to take out the dustbin, Doll
But I took it out the last time, Doll
Well take the bladdy thing out again, Doll
Donner
A rude word, it comes from the Afrikaans 'donder' (thunder). Pronounced 'dorner', it means 'beat up'. Your rugby team can get donnered in a game, or your boss can donner you if you do a lousy job.
Eina
Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived from the Afrikaans, means 'ouch'. Pronounced 'aynah', you can shout it out in sympathy when someone burns his finger on a hot potato at a braai.
Eitah
A greeting pronounced 'ay-tah'. Used in the place of 'hey there you' in greeting, ie, 'Eitah, bra!' meaning, 'Hello there, brother'.
Fixed up
This means 'good'. An example is this exchange:
You don't have to take the dustbin out, Doll, I took it already
Fixed up, Doll
Gogga
This is an insect, a bug, and all three of the g's are pronounced as though you are about to spit. South Africa is rich in goggas, some of them cute - like the harmless mantis and the intriguing stick insect - but others are disgraceful. The cockroach is the most disliked, especially when it's flying. Natal has some monsters that could challenge Florida cockroaches any day. In its early days, the country's state-run TV service earned the enmity of viewers by scheduling a documentary on cockroaches at a time when millions of South Africans were sitting down in front of their sets with their Sunday evening meals on their laps. A highlight was how to dissect a cockroach. It did not go down well with the Sunday lunch leftovers. A dissected cockroach is even more unsettling than a whole one.
Another particularly resented gogga is the Parktown Prawn - a cricket the size of a queen prawn, tastefully coloured bright red and black by Mother Nature to give a clear warning to all in its vicinity. Parktown Prawns, like skunks, spray a smelly black ink when frightened, hide in dustbins, and can be a real party-pooper at a braai.
Guava
Everybody knows that a guava is a fruit - and a bladdy lekker one too. It is especially nice stewed and served cold with smooth custard, as lots of boarding school students will affirm. Guava juice is refreshing at breakfast. But, in South Africa, a guava is also a backside, a butt, a bum. If someone is behaving in an annoying manner, you can threaten to 'skop (kick) him up his guava'. But it is inappropriate and politically incorrect to issue this warning to someone who is not a good friend; it will be taken amiss. Also, it is not polite to laugh if the Cape Doctor bowls a stranger over on to his or her guava.
Hang of
This is the same as the British/American 'heck of', as in, 'I have a hang of a headache', or, 'I had a hang of a good time at the braai'.
Hap
Pronounced 'hup', this means 'bite', and is used in the following fashion: 'Give me a hap of your apple. Ag, please'.
Howzit?
Howzit, pronounced 'how-z-eet', literally means 'how is it', but is used to ask after the health or welbeing of a bra or a china. These days it's used more as a greeting requiring no response, expediently cutting out all the pleasantries:
Hello, how are you?
Fine, how are you?
...can all be replaced by, 'Howzit!' and a like reply of, say, 'Hey! Howzit china!'
Isit?
This is a great word in conversations. Derived from the two words 'is' and 'it, it can be used when you have nothing to contribute. If someone at the brai tells you: 'The Russians will succeed in their bid for capitalism once they adopt a work ethic and respect for private ownership', it is appropriate to respond by saying, 'Isit?'
Jawelnofine
This is another conversation fall-back word. Derived from the four words 'yes', 'well', 'no' and 'fine', it means roughly 'how about that'. If your bank manager tells you your account is overdrawn, you can say with confidence, 'jawelnofine'.
Jislaaik
Pronounced 'yis-like', it is an expression of astonishment. For instance, if someone tells you there are a billion people in China, a suitable comment is, 'Jislaaik, that's a hang of a lot of people, hey'.
Just now
Universally used, it means 'eventually' and sometimes 'never'. If someone says he will do something 'just now', it could be in ten minutes or tomorrow. Or maybe he won't do it at all.
Kiff
Thought to have originated in the KwaZulu Natal region, kiff can cover everything positive, as in, 'Jislaaik, that was a kiff braai'. Or, in response to, 'So we'll pick you up some biltong at the cafe, china?' one could hear the reply 'Kiff, doll', indicating the affirmative.
Lappie
A lappie, pronounced 'luppy', is a cloth, a rag, used to wipe up a mess. You will find it in a machine shop to clean up oil spills, in a bar to wipe away spilled beer, or in the nursery where a baby who is munching a rusk2 needs its face and hands hosed down and lappied every three minutes.
Lekker
An Afrikaans word meaning 'nice', this word is used by all language groups to express approval. If you see somene of the opposite sex who is good-looking, you can exclaim, 'Lekkerrr!' while drawing out the last syllable, although that usage is now thought to be politically incorrect in some areas.
Make A Plan
You will hear this good old South African phrase quite a lot. It means 'things might be screwed right now but we'll think of something just now'. If you miss the bus to the airport, the hotel receptionist may say, 'Don't worry man - we'll make a plan'. If that plan includes the hiring of a taxi, you may want to think twice about it.
No
This word has many meanings in South Africa other than the opposite of 'yes'. Your host at the braai is likely to say, 'No, I see your plate is empty. You want some more pap? Another example: if the clerk in a shoe shop asks if she can help, you may reply, 'No, I'm looking for some tackies'. This means, 'Yes, I'm looking for some tackies'.
Oke
A 'guy' or 'chap' or 'bloke'. If you quite like someone you can say, 'Ag, he is an OK oke'. Instead of oke you can also say ou, which is pronounced 'oh'.
Pap
Encountered at braais, pap is boiled cornmeal. Pronounced 'pup' it has the appearance, consistency and, many say, the taste of moist Plaster of Paris. Lots of South Africans pretend to like it. Eating pap is character-building in the sense that an individual learns to grin and bear adversity, rather like Americans in the South have grown spiritually by consuming grits. In a religious context, this process is called self-flagellation.
Poitjie
Pronounced 'poi-kie'. This is a large cast-iron cauldron with three legs into which is thrown whatever is in the fridge or pantry - with considerable discussion and debate over the appropriate order of the layers - and left on a fire for a few hours resulting in a meal for a small army. Poitjie-art, like braaing is an acceptable pastime for a South African male, unlike traditional cooking or baking, which will take quite a few more years to catch on across the majority of the male population (from all cultural backgrounds). Be very wary of poitjies from unknown sources!
Pull in
Literally, 'come on over' or used in the form of an invitation. As in, 'That ou invited me to his braai on Saturday. You should pull in'. Thought to orginate from the days of drive-ins and roadhouses indicating that one would arrive in a bakkie3 or other motor car.
Sarmie
Sandwich.
Shame
Like no, this word can mean the opposite of its meaning in other parts of the world. If someone shows you a baby, you can say, 'Ag, shame'. This does not mean the baby is ugly, it means the baby is cute. If the baby is ugly, it is more accurate to say, 'Shame, hey'. If the baby is truly hideous, it is appropriate to say, Jislaaik'. This may not be appreciated by the baby's parents.
Sharp
With origins in the 'townships', sharp can be used as a substitute for fixed up or 'yes' or 'ok', perhaps in the following manner:
Howzit, china?
Sharp!
This is an incredibly versatile word and can be inserted just about anywhere as a one-word affirmative or encouraging response. As in:
See you at the braai, skat?
Sharp!
Skabenga
Meaning 'thief', 'liar', or 'general miscreant'. If you don't want to invite someone to your braai you could explain by saying, 'That ou is a real skabenga'. Pronounced 'ske-beng-ga'.
Skat
Or skattie. An affectionate term used between couples and originating from the Afrikaans 'skatlam'. As in:
Are you making me a sarmie, skattie?
Ja!
Fixed up!
Skinder, Skinner, Skinnerbek
Gossip is one of life's little pleasures, and that is what skinder is - gossip. The word is usually pronounced without a hard 'd' and most people will simply call it skinner. A skinnerbek is someone who does it a lot, commonly without paying too much attention to the facts. Such a person can be very popular at office tea breaks, at parties and other social gatherings - unless the skinner is about you, in which case the skinnerbek is a louse who deserves a skop up the guava.
Skop, Skiet en Donder
Literally 'kick, shoot and thunder' in Afrikaans, this phrase is used by many English speakers to describe action movies or any activity that is lively and somewhat primitive. Clint Eastwood is always good for a skop, skiet en donder flick.
Snoep
This is a favourite word, and it is used by all language groups throughout the land. Pronounced 'snoop' with a short 'o' sound as in 'book', it means 'stingy', 'mean', 'selfish'. Be discreet about using it. For example, it may not be a good idea to say to your bank manager, 'Unless I am granted this loan I shall have to conclude that this bank is snoep'. That won't help your cause. Sometimes people use this word when they fuss over their friends' infant children: 'Don't be so snoep with a kiss - gimme a big one'.
Stoorie
Pronounced 'stoor-ee'. From the Afrikaans word 'storie' meaning 'a story', it has come to be used to indicate any kind of drama or convoluted explanation. For example, 'He gave me a hele stoorie about why he was so snoep with the lappies' - in this context meaning 'a whole dramatic tale'.
Stroppy
This word means 'pugnacious', 'difficult', 'aggressive', and it can be used appropriately at any level of conversation. For instance, a child who refuses to eat his stewed guavas can be described as stroppy. Or, you may once have overheard the following comment during a discussion on international affairs: 'This Saddam Hussein - he's a real stroppy ou. But he better watch out because these Yanks are not snoep with their missiles and he could fall on his guava. Big time'.
Tackies
These are sneakers or running shoes. The word is also used to describe automobile or truck tyres. Fat tackies are big tyres, as in, 'Where did you get those lekker fat tackies on your Volksie4, hey?'
Taxi
This word has a completely different meaning in South Africa, other than the vehicles you can individually hire to transport you (on you own or with a friend) from A to B. Due to the severe limits of the public transport sytem in South Africa - which isn't recommended to tourists anyway - a system of combi-taxis has developed over the years, which travel daily or hourly on designated routes. Just about all 16-seater 'combi' vehicles in South Africa are a part of this taxi system, although a driver carrying only 16 passengers would be assumed to be having a very bad day! Taxis of this type are not usually roadworthy and it would be a mistake to assume that they will at any time obey general road usage rules. It would however also not be advisable to express road-rage at the actions of a taxi cutting you off or stopping without warning to take on or let off passengers. South African drivers in general just ignore taxis and give them a wide berth. If one is forced for any reason to catch a taxi it would be a good idea to follow the example of traditional taxi users and stow your wallet and any valuables in your hat, your shoes or in a plain plastic bag and hold this bag with both hands at all times.
Vaalie
These are the creatures that descend in hordes on Cape Town once a year at Christmas time. They traditionally drive Big Expensive Cars and are inevitably towing Venter Trailers, in which they store the kids. In the new South Africa, they are also known as Gauties, this word is derived from 'Gauteng', which is where we wish they would all go back to. Anyway, be nice to animals, hug a Vaalie.
Vrot
A wonderful word that means 'rotten' or 'putrid' in Afrikaans, it is used by all language groups to describe anything they really don't like. Most commonly it describes fruit or vegetables whose shelf lives have long expired, but a pair of takkies worn a few times too often can be termed vrot by unfortunate folk in the same room as the wearer. Also a rugby player who misses important tackles can be said to have played a vrot game, but not to his face because he won't appreciate it.
Vuka
A word of Zulu origin meaning 'wake up'. Can be used in any situation to inspire promt action, such as, 'Vuka wena5; go fetch a lappie to clean up this cuck next to the dustbin!'.
Yebo
From the Zulu word meaning 'yes'. Indicates the affirmative in just about any situation.
With this guide you should have an excellent chance of surviving a trip to South Africa or a visit with a South African expat family. It is truly a magnificent country, the people are friendly and lively and, despite the high crime rate, which one can avoid the influence of if you listen to the warnings of the locals, South Africa is a must-visit for all global travellers.
1 Perhaps borrowed from Cockney rhyming slang, as in 'china plate'='mate'.
2 A hard biscuit found in every household. All babies look like Winston Churchill and all smell of rusks.
3 A South African version of the pick-up truck, but smaller.
4 Volkswagen.
5 Wena, also from Zulu, referring to 'you' in the singular.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
What type of frog are you?
Found in the dry, hilly regions of south central Madagascar, these amazing frogs escape the searing heat and dry winds of the region by burrowing into the ground for the duration of the dry season. Very shy by nature, when threatened, these frogs inflate themselves and will not hesitate to charge their assailants. These frogs can be very gluttonous, devouring a wide variety of bugs, grubs and the like.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
What does your candy heart say?
| Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss" |
 You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive |
Questions (from Te)
1. Can you cook? - only a little bit
2. What was your dream growing up? - to be able to fly!
3. What talent do you wish you had? - erm.. not sure
4. Favorite place? - in bed!
5. Favorite vegetable? - asparagus
6. What was the last book you read? - am currently reading Hunting Pirate Heaven by Kevin Rushby and If Only by Geri Halliwell
7. What zodiac sign are you? - Pisces
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? - earrings
9. Worst Habit? - biting the my cuticles
10. Do we know each other outside of lj? - yes, since years ago!
11. What is your favorite sport? - dunno yet ;)
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude? - depends hehe
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? - start singing songs!
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? - pets dying... father dying...
15. Tell me one weird fact about you: - I don't like hair (loose hair)
16. Do you have any pets? - yes 2 budgies and lots of fish
17. Do you know how to do the macarena? - no
18. What time is it where you are now? - 21:50
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? - creepy
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? - not sure
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? - depends on the crime ;)
22. What color eyes do you have? - grey-green
23. Ever been arrested? - no
24. Bottle or Draft? - coke!
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? - pay off my "debt", save it and maybe buy something I really want
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? - chappies (the yellow or the green)
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at? - none
28. Do you believe in ghosts? - no
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? - relax. stitch, read, hug Squishyman
30. Do you swear a lot? - fuck no (yes, but mostly when I'm very angry! less bad swearwords like crap and shit etc aren't SO bad are they?)
31. Biggest pet peeve? - PEOPLE! ASS-HAT BOSSES!
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? - responsive
2. What was your dream growing up? - to be able to fly!
3. What talent do you wish you had? - erm.. not sure
4. Favorite place? - in bed!
5. Favorite vegetable? - asparagus
6. What was the last book you read? - am currently reading Hunting Pirate Heaven by Kevin Rushby and If Only by Geri Halliwell
7. What zodiac sign are you? - Pisces
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? - earrings
9. Worst Habit? - biting the my cuticles
10. Do we know each other outside of lj? - yes, since years ago!
11. What is your favorite sport? - dunno yet ;)
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude? - depends hehe
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? - start singing songs!
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? - pets dying... father dying...
15. Tell me one weird fact about you: - I don't like hair (loose hair)
16. Do you have any pets? - yes 2 budgies and lots of fish
17. Do you know how to do the macarena? - no
18. What time is it where you are now? - 21:50
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? - creepy
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? - not sure
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? - depends on the crime ;)
22. What color eyes do you have? - grey-green
23. Ever been arrested? - no
24. Bottle or Draft? - coke!
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? - pay off my "debt", save it and maybe buy something I really want
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? - chappies (the yellow or the green)
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at? - none
28. Do you believe in ghosts? - no
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? - relax. stitch, read, hug Squishyman
30. Do you swear a lot? - fuck no (yes, but mostly when I'm very angry! less bad swearwords like crap and shit etc aren't SO bad are they?)
31. Biggest pet peeve? - PEOPLE! ASS-HAT BOSSES!
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? - responsive
WARPONY!!
.JPG)
I'm so excited! I've started the 2nd half! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I'll have finished it by the time the 3 new ones arrive :D
Monday, March 12, 2007
updown
What an up and down weekend this has been!
I can't remember which day it was (I think it was Thursday) G and I went shopping for groceries and stuff for the party... cheese puffs are VERY hard to find - we didn't find any there. Can't remember what we did on Friday... probably just slept! Or G worked and I stitched a bit. I think the neighbours played loud music but we just played loud music back. Not sure, might have been Saturday. Friday night the neighbours upstairs made noise til past 11, but that was alright. A few hours later, DISKAKMAN ppl started talking LOUDly which was not restful at all.
Saturday we rushed around doing laundry, buying cheesepuffs, finding eats, cooking cheesepuffs etc and rushing home for the party. Did quick cleaning before everyone came...
The party was VERY fun :D everyone was there, and there were enough cheese puffs and chips and cooldrinks and everything... everyone spilled outside again cos the inside of the flat gets very warm with so many people. Little dude enjoyed himself too, he had a lot of sounds to translate for his mirror!! The party was awesome and we had a great time!
Now, can anyone tell me which ball is lower than the other?? Someone should do a study and find out LOL!
Got LOVELY presents - LOADS of yummm chocolate! I'm gonna savour them all mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.............
Went to bed nice and late, and were really looking forward to sleeping LAAAAAAATEEEEEE. That was not to be. We were woken up at 07:56 by Michael Jackson's "how does it feel" BLARING out from those fuckers next door. It stopped after about half a minute, and then a few minutes later, "you are not alone" started BLARING too. That stopped too after about half a minute and then I dozed off. At 08:10, I woke again with doofdoofdoof bass sounds bumping through the walls. Not EXTREMELY loud but loud enough to totally ruin any idea of sleeping late. I got up at about 8:20 and started (not quietly) to wash the dishes! Then I vacuumed because I could still hear the damn music.
W popped by as G and I were getting ready to go to the shop. The dumbass across the way was playing c-rap LOUDLY, loud enough to be heard in the CBD I'm sure. W revved his bike VERY loudly outside our door - I hope that all the assholes enjoyed it. Sadly it wasn't for very long LOL!
We took a short stroll down to the shop (W was "stranded" cos the roads were all blocked up and blocked off cos of the Cycle Tour that day), then we had cokes in the lounge while ACDC really heartily sang Thunderstruck and other noisy songs! Little dude LOVED that hehe! I hope the numbskull across the way enjoyed it too... he must have cos he turned his music off to listen!
W went home and G and I went through to the mall to look for shoes - I still hadn't found any and I didn't want to risk wearing hiking boots at work again cos someone might say something. After looking around at all the fancy, fragile little "feminine" shoes with fifteen-inch sticks as heels, I found something that was work-worthy. Comfortable, not TOO expensive and most importantly: unnoticeable. I can wear the same shoes every day and no one would notice which is the whole point. They must look decent but not be so noticeable that people see that you wear the same thing daily.
Then we went to G's parents' place to drop off some stuff. Got home after the visit and someone had parked in G's parking bay. He parked them in then went around knocking at a few doors to try find out whose car it was. He knocked on the DISKAKMAN dude's door and their windows and curtains were closed and the dude had messy hair and looked really sleepy so apparently that is THEIR time for sleeping. (I have noted that and if they still make noise at NORMAL sleeping time, I will mess up THEIR sleeping time accordingly.) We quickly turned on some loud music to share with them.
Man, that was so exhausting. The stress of nuisance neighbours is enough to give anybody a stomach ulcer! So we didn't have a very "restful" weekend. Not all bad, in fact a lot of fun stuff, but not particularly relaxed LOL! This weekend will hopefully be quiet! *hopes wishes wants G to take Monday and Tuesday off!!*
I can't remember which day it was (I think it was Thursday) G and I went shopping for groceries and stuff for the party... cheese puffs are VERY hard to find - we didn't find any there. Can't remember what we did on Friday... probably just slept! Or G worked and I stitched a bit. I think the neighbours played loud music but we just played loud music back. Not sure, might have been Saturday. Friday night the neighbours upstairs made noise til past 11, but that was alright. A few hours later, DISKAKMAN ppl started talking LOUDly which was not restful at all.
Saturday we rushed around doing laundry, buying cheesepuffs, finding eats, cooking cheesepuffs etc and rushing home for the party. Did quick cleaning before everyone came...
The party was VERY fun :D everyone was there, and there were enough cheese puffs and chips and cooldrinks and everything... everyone spilled outside again cos the inside of the flat gets very warm with so many people. Little dude enjoyed himself too, he had a lot of sounds to translate for his mirror!! The party was awesome and we had a great time!
Now, can anyone tell me which ball is lower than the other?? Someone should do a study and find out LOL!
Got LOVELY presents - LOADS of yummm chocolate! I'm gonna savour them all mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.............
Went to bed nice and late, and were really looking forward to sleeping LAAAAAAATEEEEEE. That was not to be. We were woken up at 07:56 by Michael Jackson's "how does it feel" BLARING out from those fuckers next door. It stopped after about half a minute, and then a few minutes later, "you are not alone" started BLARING too. That stopped too after about half a minute and then I dozed off. At 08:10, I woke again with doofdoofdoof bass sounds bumping through the walls. Not EXTREMELY loud but loud enough to totally ruin any idea of sleeping late. I got up at about 8:20 and started (not quietly) to wash the dishes! Then I vacuumed because I could still hear the damn music.
W popped by as G and I were getting ready to go to the shop. The dumbass across the way was playing c-rap LOUDLY, loud enough to be heard in the CBD I'm sure. W revved his bike VERY loudly outside our door - I hope that all the assholes enjoyed it. Sadly it wasn't for very long LOL!
We took a short stroll down to the shop (W was "stranded" cos the roads were all blocked up and blocked off cos of the Cycle Tour that day), then we had cokes in the lounge while ACDC really heartily sang Thunderstruck and other noisy songs! Little dude LOVED that hehe! I hope the numbskull across the way enjoyed it too... he must have cos he turned his music off to listen!
W went home and G and I went through to the mall to look for shoes - I still hadn't found any and I didn't want to risk wearing hiking boots at work again cos someone might say something. After looking around at all the fancy, fragile little "feminine" shoes with fifteen-inch sticks as heels, I found something that was work-worthy. Comfortable, not TOO expensive and most importantly: unnoticeable. I can wear the same shoes every day and no one would notice which is the whole point. They must look decent but not be so noticeable that people see that you wear the same thing daily.
Then we went to G's parents' place to drop off some stuff. Got home after the visit and someone had parked in G's parking bay. He parked them in then went around knocking at a few doors to try find out whose car it was. He knocked on the DISKAKMAN dude's door and their windows and curtains were closed and the dude had messy hair and looked really sleepy so apparently that is THEIR time for sleeping. (I have noted that and if they still make noise at NORMAL sleeping time, I will mess up THEIR sleeping time accordingly.) We quickly turned on some loud music to share with them.
Man, that was so exhausting. The stress of nuisance neighbours is enough to give anybody a stomach ulcer! So we didn't have a very "restful" weekend. Not all bad, in fact a lot of fun stuff, but not particularly relaxed LOL! This weekend will hopefully be quiet! *hopes wishes wants G to take Monday and Tuesday off!!*
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Absolutely Mean
Also "Clean"... a laundry. Not great. Last time we needed laundry done we went to the one near G's old place. We dropped the clothes off and were told they'd be ready by 7pm. They weren't. The lady incoherently said something - must have been an explanation which was like "I'm the only person here today". Which is all fair and well, but if you know that you're going to be late, let people know in advance. So anyway, we got our clothes back later. They smelled a LOT, from fabric softener. It was (and still is) awful because the smell stays in the clothes. We had to pay for that, which I don't recall us asking for.
Anyway, I needed some clothes washed, so G and I went to that same laundry again, only to be told they're full and they're only taking orders for tomorrow. So we left and went to one which is really near our place (which happens to be a branch of the first one we went to). After ringing the doorbell a few times, the lady appears out of another shop door and lets us in. She says they're full, and that we can come tomorrow morning. So I looked at G, totally out of ideas about what we could do about my washing. So then the lady chirps saying she can do it for us, but she'll do it slowly/won't hurry. So I agreed and handed the clothes over. She starts writing up the receipt and asks "you want to pay now?" so I say yes, so she says "R80". So G and I together exclaim "hey??" Cos the 3 loads we did at the other laundry including unrequested fabric softener came to R81, and this was 2 loads only. So she explains "it's cos you came late". Eh? We come at 2pm, and you fit us in, but we're late?? So G says "no, we'll go somewhere else". So then she backs down and says "ok R40". So then we agree again. Get the receipt, and make a note to come back at 4pm.
We go to G's parents' place to visit but can't stay long cos we have to rush off to fetch my washing. We rush back and are in the door at 4pm on the dot, only to be told it's in the dryer, we must come back 5:30.
That we do.
Collect the washing. We had to wait about 10 mins for her to unpack the clothes and fold them and put them in bags for us. We come home.
I discover a bit later (when I was about to start ironing the clothes) that they're damp. They are BLOODY DAMN DAMP! The bloody woman must have put it in for only a few minutes and then unpacked it because it's as damn damp as it would be coming straight out of the washing machine. I am still so angry about it! So at the moment we have G's old bed's "chassis" (no legs) propped up across from the windowcill to my chest of drawers that I pushed in to the right place. We're using that as a "clothes horse" and G's heater is busy heating away.
Damn them! I would so badly like to buy a washer/dryer myself, but no money nor credit card. Credit card wouldn't even help cos the limit I'd have on that would be laughable!
DAMN LAUNDRY!
Anyway, I needed some clothes washed, so G and I went to that same laundry again, only to be told they're full and they're only taking orders for tomorrow. So we left and went to one which is really near our place (which happens to be a branch of the first one we went to). After ringing the doorbell a few times, the lady appears out of another shop door and lets us in. She says they're full, and that we can come tomorrow morning. So I looked at G, totally out of ideas about what we could do about my washing. So then the lady chirps saying she can do it for us, but she'll do it slowly/won't hurry. So I agreed and handed the clothes over. She starts writing up the receipt and asks "you want to pay now?" so I say yes, so she says "R80". So G and I together exclaim "hey??" Cos the 3 loads we did at the other laundry including unrequested fabric softener came to R81, and this was 2 loads only. So she explains "it's cos you came late". Eh? We come at 2pm, and you fit us in, but we're late?? So G says "no, we'll go somewhere else". So then she backs down and says "ok R40". So then we agree again. Get the receipt, and make a note to come back at 4pm.
We go to G's parents' place to visit but can't stay long cos we have to rush off to fetch my washing. We rush back and are in the door at 4pm on the dot, only to be told it's in the dryer, we must come back 5:30.
That we do.
Collect the washing. We had to wait about 10 mins for her to unpack the clothes and fold them and put them in bags for us. We come home.
I discover a bit later (when I was about to start ironing the clothes) that they're damp. They are BLOODY DAMN DAMP! The bloody woman must have put it in for only a few minutes and then unpacked it because it's as damn damp as it would be coming straight out of the washing machine. I am still so angry about it! So at the moment we have G's old bed's "chassis" (no legs) propped up across from the windowcill to my chest of drawers that I pushed in to the right place. We're using that as a "clothes horse" and G's heater is busy heating away.
Damn them! I would so badly like to buy a washer/dryer myself, but no money nor credit card. Credit card wouldn't even help cos the limit I'd have on that would be laughable!
DAMN LAUNDRY!
Project Cross Stitch - status update:
The lady from 123Stitch! emailed me again saying they're putting the orders through for my stuff, but that their distributors don't stock Motion - Arabian & Swallow. I'll probably order the 'components' of that one through the designer of that chart.
So soon I'll be getting an email to say the kits are ready to be shipped!!!! Can't wait!!!!!!
So soon I'll be getting an email to say the kits are ready to be shipped!!!! Can't wait!!!!!!
.JPG)
.JPG)
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Weird little chap
The little dude has a very weird place to sleep: on his mirror. One foot clutching the top of the mirror frame, the other foot through the bars gripping the blanket. I managed to take 2 pics of him which was rather difficult since it was dark and the camera didn't want to focus.
Yesterday evening, I took his cage into our bedroom to take him out for a fly. He hasn't got the hang of landing just yet. He flies around and around, not realising that he can land on the top of the wardrobe, on the curtain rail, on the doorframes or anywhere along the wood strips that are along the walls. And he can't turn around midflight, so if he misses a landing place, he just flies around again and again til he gets exhausted. He isn't afraid of fingers (as perches), so he does climb onto my finger when I retrieve him.
Last night, he was particularly exhausted and I took the opportunity to touch him. Touched his neck feathers. Tried to scratch his feathers a little, and managed to get him to allow me to scratch his head. He loved that. He really isn't afraid of much at all, so I was able to hug him, kiss him and put my ear against his back and listen to his heartbeat as I used to do with my other bird (not Porky). G got to scratch his neck too and kiss him and listen to his heartbeat. It's so cute!
Going to visit T later. I'd wanted to visit her the week before but G was sick, and then that weekend couldn't either. Finally we are able to. Sis and I are going to go. Then later on, we're going to meet G and herG at M's place (J will probably be there too...).
It's my birthday Monday. I'll have to buy cake for the office again. I hate that. It's so superficial, so fake. No one there gives a damn that it's actually someone's birthday anyway, they're just glad they get something nice to eat. Such a waste of money - I really don't have enough for stupid things like that. I need to buy new shoes (mine's soles are coming completely apart from the shoes) and new pants (for work - sucks!).
Ok, now I'm going to go read in the sun for a short bit - sis and I are going to go soon.
Yesterday evening, I took his cage into our bedroom to take him out for a fly. He hasn't got the hang of landing just yet. He flies around and around, not realising that he can land on the top of the wardrobe, on the curtain rail, on the doorframes or anywhere along the wood strips that are along the walls. And he can't turn around midflight, so if he misses a landing place, he just flies around again and again til he gets exhausted. He isn't afraid of fingers (as perches), so he does climb onto my finger when I retrieve him.
Last night, he was particularly exhausted and I took the opportunity to touch him. Touched his neck feathers. Tried to scratch his feathers a little, and managed to get him to allow me to scratch his head. He loved that. He really isn't afraid of much at all, so I was able to hug him, kiss him and put my ear against his back and listen to his heartbeat as I used to do with my other bird (not Porky). G got to scratch his neck too and kiss him and listen to his heartbeat. It's so cute!
Going to visit T later. I'd wanted to visit her the week before but G was sick, and then that weekend couldn't either. Finally we are able to. Sis and I are going to go. Then later on, we're going to meet G and herG at M's place (J will probably be there too...).
It's my birthday Monday. I'll have to buy cake for the office again. I hate that. It's so superficial, so fake. No one there gives a damn that it's actually someone's birthday anyway, they're just glad they get something nice to eat. Such a waste of money - I really don't have enough for stupid things like that. I need to buy new shoes (mine's soles are coming completely apart from the shoes) and new pants (for work - sucks!).
Ok, now I'm going to go read in the sun for a short bit - sis and I are going to go soon.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Carnival!
Went to the Carnival last night, G and I met up with M&J, sis&herG and K. Met up at the bookstall, where else! G and I went straight for waffles, and then met M&J at the bookstall, and then a bit later sis, herG and K met us there. We walked around for a short bit, en route to China. G and I stopped briefly to put something in our bag and the others disappeared. We weren't hungry for supper yet, so we dawdled around and looked at everything first. Had hotdogs, then met up with the others in China. They'd already had supper.
Went on from there to (I think it was) Hawaii (we left M&J in China), where we had cocktails... sis, K and I got a Gummi Berry Juice and G got a Banana Boat. It wasn't as strong or as yum as I'd expected hehe.
Walked around some more, got an sms from M saying they were tired and going home. It was still (relatively) early.
The rest of us ended up at the rides, and bought tickets enough for swings, tornado and octopus (and G and I got extra for the swinging boat rides). Wanted to go on the tornado first, but there wasn't anyone there at the moment (they obviously wait for enough people to gather). We took turns going on the swing, so that someone was looking after the bags. Sis and herG went first, then G, K and me. It was so fast and I kept feeling as if my feet would bash people's heads or kick the light pole that was right near the swing fence! VERY VERY COOL!
Came away from the swings and hung around a bit, seeing if anyone was attending to the tornado, but nothing. No one around, they'd obviously closed that one.
Went to the octopus, and G and I waited with the bags while sis, herG and K went. G and I were standing at the gate after the others had got off, and the dudes operating the ride basically walked out the gate too and the one ignored us and the other shrugged. Basically 'we're done for tonight, we're going'! So G and I went to stand by the swinging boat ride while the others went to buy Lebkuchen and we waited. We watched the ride finish and the people get off, and then there was no one. The dude operating that one shut everything down and put the cover over the machine. We were quite pissed off by then, and went to stand by the bumper cars, cos our tickets might just possibly have bought us a ride on those. But no, the ride finished and those dudes buggered off too. So basically, we bought R66 worth of tickets, and got to use R12. The bloody cows at the ticket office didn't think to let us know that "hey look, it's 10:30, they CLOSE at 11! do you really want so many tickets?". That was rather shitty.
The others took forever to come back from buying stuff, while we waited near the entrance being pointedly reminded over and over again by the security people that the "gate is that way".
At least the waffle was delicious. And I bought an interesting book. And a R5 piece of posh cheese that the woman cut with a lot of difficulty. She had an expression of complete puzzlement at me who obviously can't "afford" such things would still want some and actually *ask* for a "budget" sized piece like that.
I want another waffle. And we didn't get any candyfloss cos there was a power outage in the area of the carnival that the candyfloss people were situated.
Bummer.
Went on from there to (I think it was) Hawaii (we left M&J in China), where we had cocktails... sis, K and I got a Gummi Berry Juice and G got a Banana Boat. It wasn't as strong or as yum as I'd expected hehe.
Walked around some more, got an sms from M saying they were tired and going home. It was still (relatively) early.
The rest of us ended up at the rides, and bought tickets enough for swings, tornado and octopus (and G and I got extra for the swinging boat rides). Wanted to go on the tornado first, but there wasn't anyone there at the moment (they obviously wait for enough people to gather). We took turns going on the swing, so that someone was looking after the bags. Sis and herG went first, then G, K and me. It was so fast and I kept feeling as if my feet would bash people's heads or kick the light pole that was right near the swing fence! VERY VERY COOL!
Came away from the swings and hung around a bit, seeing if anyone was attending to the tornado, but nothing. No one around, they'd obviously closed that one.
Went to the octopus, and G and I waited with the bags while sis, herG and K went. G and I were standing at the gate after the others had got off, and the dudes operating the ride basically walked out the gate too and the one ignored us and the other shrugged. Basically 'we're done for tonight, we're going'! So G and I went to stand by the swinging boat ride while the others went to buy Lebkuchen and we waited. We watched the ride finish and the people get off, and then there was no one. The dude operating that one shut everything down and put the cover over the machine. We were quite pissed off by then, and went to stand by the bumper cars, cos our tickets might just possibly have bought us a ride on those. But no, the ride finished and those dudes buggered off too. So basically, we bought R66 worth of tickets, and got to use R12. The bloody cows at the ticket office didn't think to let us know that "hey look, it's 10:30, they CLOSE at 11! do you really want so many tickets?". That was rather shitty.
The others took forever to come back from buying stuff, while we waited near the entrance being pointedly reminded over and over again by the security people that the "gate is that way".
At least the waffle was delicious. And I bought an interesting book. And a R5 piece of posh cheese that the woman cut with a lot of difficulty. She had an expression of complete puzzlement at me who obviously can't "afford" such things would still want some and actually *ask* for a "budget" sized piece like that.
I want another waffle. And we didn't get any candyfloss cos there was a power outage in the area of the carnival that the candyfloss people were situated.
Bummer.
How to make your employees LURVE you
Toxic boss?
Speak to your friends – most people have had at least one boss who could have been the sole subject of a psychiatric conference.
A quick whip-round among associates revealed a story of a boss who put chocolates in the pigeonholes of his two favourite employees every Thursday – in full view of the rest of the staff. Another story tells of a boss who was only seen three times in the entire time the person concerned worked at that particular company. Then there was another one who liked to tickle his nose with a feather constantly and another who was seen doing his shopping in full drag.
And stories abound of unfair dismissals, bullying, shouting, favouritism, inconsistencies and just plain lack of professionalism.
But then fortunately there are also the stories about good and kind bosses, who encourage their employees, are fair and consistent and do not take out their personal problems on those who work for them.
Being a boss is not easy. Having to deal with finances, responsibility, a potentially difficult work force, having to be a mediator, dealing with other people's personal problems, retrenchments – the list is endless. And the stress can be enormous.
So are you a boss? What are the signs of your being a problem boss? The following signs, according to Ilse Pauw, Cape Town psychologist, could point to there being problems in your domain:
Large staff turnover. If people come and go without having good reasons, such as a spouse being transferred, or wanting to change professions, there is a problem. If your staff start resigning despite not having other jobs, there is something serious underfoot.
Negative assessments. Most companies have annual assessments of their staff. If you get thrashed the minute the assessments are anonymous, but to your face people seem to be civil, there is a severe problem with your management style or general attitude.
Passive aggression. This is usually shown in a lack of co-operation, such as a refusal to take part in staff discussions, non-attendance of staff functions, minimum compliance with orders, obstructionist behaviour and a lack of team playing.
Factions on the staff. In any large group of employees, it is inevitable that certain social groups will form. This is entirely normal. Some of your employees may even become friends with one another. But if there are bitter, opposing factions, it usually indicates a lack of trust in the judgment and fairness of decisions that come from the top. People are jockeying for position, because they feel they cannot trust their boss to treat them fairly. Where a boss is ineffectual or unfair and tyrannical, much of the energy, which should go into upping production, goes into infighting and staff politics.
Work-to-rule. If one person on the staff does the work-to-rule thing (This is not in my job description), that person is nursing some private grievance. If the majority of the staff does so, there is a larger problem – and it could be you and your management style. Not being willing to go the extra mile is usually only done when people feel that the company they work for is abusing them in some way – either underpaying them, overworking them, or subjecting them to unfair or untenable working conditions.
Low productivity. Frustrated and unmotivated employees are unproductive employees. If people are not happy in their jobs, they also feel resentment towards the company that employs them and they will not make an effort to up their production. Low productivity is a sure sign of autocratic and ineffectual management – or under-trained staff.
Frequent complaints. Happy employees do not complain about minor things constantly. Once vicious fights start breaking out about minor things such as the type of coffee bought for the coffee club or the type of toilet paper that is used in the staff toilets, there is usually a problem that is much larger. And which employees are hesitant to mention. And it could be you. If official complaints get lodged regularly, or members of staff constantly demand to see those above you, you need to take a good look at yourself.
High amount of sick leave. If there are constantly people taking a day off here and a day there and you are pretty certain there is nothing wrong with them, they either have personal problems of which you know nothing, or there is a problem or a person at work, which they are trying to avoid, because they find it upsetting. On every staff, there is usually one person who abuses their sick leave, but when more and more people start doing it, there is usually a bigger problem.
Sudden silence when you enter a room. It could just be a lull in the conversation, but it could also be that you were the topic under discussion. And people don't suddenly keep quiet if they've been saying nice things.
Unpleasant atmosphere at work. It could be that you have one or two bad apples among your staff, that are poisoning the work force. Or it could just be that people are unhappy with your decisions, with your appointments or with your management style. Work is not a social venue, but it is so much nicer when there is a pleasant atmosphere, rather than a polarised back-biting situation.
Little co-operation or teamwork. If getting people to do things or make changes feels like dragging a dead horse through soft sand, there is a problem. Have you spoken to the people who actually do the job to find out if they have suggestions? Did you take them seriously? Most people do not take kindly to top-down decisions. If people feel they have not been consulted, they are unlikely to be enthusiastic about a new decision or project.
Nervous employees. If people are jumpy, it is usually because they feel their boss is unpredictable and not to be trusted. They probably get shouted at – often for no justifiable reason and they don't trust whoever is in charge. If it's you, the time for some soul-searching and possibly a management course or two. The only way to manage people effectively in the long run is to get their willing co-operation. That doesn't mean that you're not in charge. On the contrary. But the way in which you do things is so very important.
Misinterpretation of instructions. If one of your employees keeps on getting things wrong, there may be problem with that one person. But if everyone constantly misinterprets what you say, it could be that you don't give good, clear instructions. Try writing them down – in this way there can be no confusion. Often managers have an idea in their heads, but are unable to convey it clearly to employees.
Disrespectful behaviour. If a large number of your employees are 'off' to you, or simply disrespectful, you need to find out why. Remember that respect is something that is earned, not something that is part and parcel of any position.
(Susan Erasmus, Health24)
Speak to your friends – most people have had at least one boss who could have been the sole subject of a psychiatric conference.
A quick whip-round among associates revealed a story of a boss who put chocolates in the pigeonholes of his two favourite employees every Thursday – in full view of the rest of the staff. Another story tells of a boss who was only seen three times in the entire time the person concerned worked at that particular company. Then there was another one who liked to tickle his nose with a feather constantly and another who was seen doing his shopping in full drag.
And stories abound of unfair dismissals, bullying, shouting, favouritism, inconsistencies and just plain lack of professionalism.
But then fortunately there are also the stories about good and kind bosses, who encourage their employees, are fair and consistent and do not take out their personal problems on those who work for them.
Being a boss is not easy. Having to deal with finances, responsibility, a potentially difficult work force, having to be a mediator, dealing with other people's personal problems, retrenchments – the list is endless. And the stress can be enormous.
So are you a boss? What are the signs of your being a problem boss? The following signs, according to Ilse Pauw, Cape Town psychologist, could point to there being problems in your domain:
Large staff turnover. If people come and go without having good reasons, such as a spouse being transferred, or wanting to change professions, there is a problem. If your staff start resigning despite not having other jobs, there is something serious underfoot.
Negative assessments. Most companies have annual assessments of their staff. If you get thrashed the minute the assessments are anonymous, but to your face people seem to be civil, there is a severe problem with your management style or general attitude.
Passive aggression. This is usually shown in a lack of co-operation, such as a refusal to take part in staff discussions, non-attendance of staff functions, minimum compliance with orders, obstructionist behaviour and a lack of team playing.
Factions on the staff. In any large group of employees, it is inevitable that certain social groups will form. This is entirely normal. Some of your employees may even become friends with one another. But if there are bitter, opposing factions, it usually indicates a lack of trust in the judgment and fairness of decisions that come from the top. People are jockeying for position, because they feel they cannot trust their boss to treat them fairly. Where a boss is ineffectual or unfair and tyrannical, much of the energy, which should go into upping production, goes into infighting and staff politics.
Work-to-rule. If one person on the staff does the work-to-rule thing (This is not in my job description), that person is nursing some private grievance. If the majority of the staff does so, there is a larger problem – and it could be you and your management style. Not being willing to go the extra mile is usually only done when people feel that the company they work for is abusing them in some way – either underpaying them, overworking them, or subjecting them to unfair or untenable working conditions.
Low productivity. Frustrated and unmotivated employees are unproductive employees. If people are not happy in their jobs, they also feel resentment towards the company that employs them and they will not make an effort to up their production. Low productivity is a sure sign of autocratic and ineffectual management – or under-trained staff.
Frequent complaints. Happy employees do not complain about minor things constantly. Once vicious fights start breaking out about minor things such as the type of coffee bought for the coffee club or the type of toilet paper that is used in the staff toilets, there is usually a problem that is much larger. And which employees are hesitant to mention. And it could be you. If official complaints get lodged regularly, or members of staff constantly demand to see those above you, you need to take a good look at yourself.
High amount of sick leave. If there are constantly people taking a day off here and a day there and you are pretty certain there is nothing wrong with them, they either have personal problems of which you know nothing, or there is a problem or a person at work, which they are trying to avoid, because they find it upsetting. On every staff, there is usually one person who abuses their sick leave, but when more and more people start doing it, there is usually a bigger problem.
Sudden silence when you enter a room. It could just be a lull in the conversation, but it could also be that you were the topic under discussion. And people don't suddenly keep quiet if they've been saying nice things.
Unpleasant atmosphere at work. It could be that you have one or two bad apples among your staff, that are poisoning the work force. Or it could just be that people are unhappy with your decisions, with your appointments or with your management style. Work is not a social venue, but it is so much nicer when there is a pleasant atmosphere, rather than a polarised back-biting situation.
Little co-operation or teamwork. If getting people to do things or make changes feels like dragging a dead horse through soft sand, there is a problem. Have you spoken to the people who actually do the job to find out if they have suggestions? Did you take them seriously? Most people do not take kindly to top-down decisions. If people feel they have not been consulted, they are unlikely to be enthusiastic about a new decision or project.
Nervous employees. If people are jumpy, it is usually because they feel their boss is unpredictable and not to be trusted. They probably get shouted at – often for no justifiable reason and they don't trust whoever is in charge. If it's you, the time for some soul-searching and possibly a management course or two. The only way to manage people effectively in the long run is to get their willing co-operation. That doesn't mean that you're not in charge. On the contrary. But the way in which you do things is so very important.
Misinterpretation of instructions. If one of your employees keeps on getting things wrong, there may be problem with that one person. But if everyone constantly misinterprets what you say, it could be that you don't give good, clear instructions. Try writing them down – in this way there can be no confusion. Often managers have an idea in their heads, but are unable to convey it clearly to employees.
Disrespectful behaviour. If a large number of your employees are 'off' to you, or simply disrespectful, you need to find out why. Remember that respect is something that is earned, not something that is part and parcel of any position.
(Susan Erasmus, Health24)
How to drive your colleagues NUTS! part I
Are you an open-plan office pest? (from Health24)
It should be a basic human right – your own office. But in our downsized, open-plan, multitasked, working world, you’re likely to share workspace. You can hate it or thrive.
Work with someone long enough and there’s a chance you’ll either develop a crush on them or wish they’d leave the company. Most people fantasise about some of their colleagues and for many people working in close proximity to one another, those fantasies may involve buckets of wet cement and deep rivers.
That’s because people who work together tend to get on each other’s nerves. It’s partly because we’re all human and fallible, but also a matter of not taking some basic steps in office etiquette.
How bad can it get? If you’ve ever had a colleague who coughed incessantly for months on end, without getting better, or dying, you’ll know. Or a colleague who makes long and loud personal phone calls when you’re trying to negotiate some international deal with a hard-of-hearing Albanian who’s on a cellphone in a subway a thousand miles away.
Main irritants at work
A survey conducted by one UK recruitment agency found that nearly 40% of office workers polled had considered changing jobs because of a colleague’s irritating habits. The magazine ComputerWeekly report on the survey by Office Angels listed the top five irritants as:
Being e-mailed by people who sit a few feet away (85%)
People who listen to voicemails on speaker phone (75%)
People who swear at their computers (68%)
Colleagues’choice of radio station (68%)
Colleagues who don’t share tea-making duties (60%).
One problem with working close to others is that once you’re sensitised to their irritating idiosyncrasies, things that wouldn’t normally irk you become unbearable. Is so-and-so talking to himself or actually soliciting a reply? Nobody will begrudge you a muttered tirade at Bill Gates if you lose valuable work due to some sudden technological malfunction. It’s when a pattern of disruptive behaviour develops that people begin to harbour malicious thoughts.
Something that affects everyone – your computer network collapsing or the Sheriff of the court arriving to take away all the furniture – warrants some justified, even therapeutic exclamation of dismay. Hitting the wrong key on your keyboard doesn’t.
Habits that drive colleagues round the bend
Talking loudly on the phone;
Asking a colleague how to spell a word – and thereby disrupting their concentration - when every computer on the planet now has a spellchecker;
Talking to yourself or singing to yourself;
Interrupting others' work telephone conversations to make some further suggestions regarding the conversation they're having;
Chipping in to a discussion that strictly speaking has nothing to do with you;
When you’re stressed, assuming everyone else is, and when you’re not, assuming nobody else is either. Perhaps your workload only builds on Monday afternoons, while you have a colleague who has to file a report by midday. Ambling over to chat about the All Blacks and the Springboks can wait. Offering to bring over a cup of tea or to shoulder some of the workload might be better.
Breaking wind. Fumes travel. If your nether regions are noxious, pop some charcoal tablets. They’ll make the gas disappear quicker than Saddam’s WMDs;
Use of resources: if you print out a 60-page document, make sure the printer tray is still at least half-full;
Commenting on private calls or conversations. if you have a colleague who’s fighting with his girlfriend over the phone, commiserating with him after the call means you were listening in. Even if you overheard it unintentionally, pretend to be elsewhere. Saying “Ah, chicks! Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em!” might not get you punched on the snout or even told to mind your own business, but it might rankle, not just him, but the other chicks in the office. If your colleague wants to talk about it, he will. Similarly, if you’re in someone’s workspace and they have a phone call, at least offer to leave. It affords them the option of telling the caller “I’m in a meeting, can I call you back?”
Cleanliness. if your office has a communal kitchen, leave it cleaner than you found it. The same applies to meeting rooms or boardroom tables, which may be strewn with cups and sugar packets after meetings. Gathering up the detritus together will probably take about 20 seconds.
Respect privacy. Some people wear headphones to mask off the noise around them. Some of the headphones are even switched off a lot of the time, but the fact that the wearer has them on may at least stop people from asking them how to spell “pharmacopoeia” every four minutes.
Is all this tiptoeing around your colleagues a waste of time? Surely people must just learn to deal with lack of privacy and personal space? Surely all this pickiness warrants a retort like, “Oh, deal with it”?
Well, perhaps. But the Office Angels survey yielded some surprising results about people who behave badly in the office. Nearly 70% of those polled said they were more likely to gossip about people who indulged in loud personal phone calls. Around the same percentage felt that considerate colleagues deserved promotion and supported their advancement.
Perhaps the strongest advice is honesty. Rather than developing a tension headache and plotting to burn your colleague’s car because he punctuates his day with bursts of, “Oh chuck-a-chunk, break-it-down…” maybe it’s time for a one-on-one chat about honing his talents as a rapper at the office. (William Smook)
It should be a basic human right – your own office. But in our downsized, open-plan, multitasked, working world, you’re likely to share workspace. You can hate it or thrive.
Work with someone long enough and there’s a chance you’ll either develop a crush on them or wish they’d leave the company. Most people fantasise about some of their colleagues and for many people working in close proximity to one another, those fantasies may involve buckets of wet cement and deep rivers.
That’s because people who work together tend to get on each other’s nerves. It’s partly because we’re all human and fallible, but also a matter of not taking some basic steps in office etiquette.
How bad can it get? If you’ve ever had a colleague who coughed incessantly for months on end, without getting better, or dying, you’ll know. Or a colleague who makes long and loud personal phone calls when you’re trying to negotiate some international deal with a hard-of-hearing Albanian who’s on a cellphone in a subway a thousand miles away.
Main irritants at work
A survey conducted by one UK recruitment agency found that nearly 40% of office workers polled had considered changing jobs because of a colleague’s irritating habits. The magazine ComputerWeekly report on the survey by Office Angels listed the top five irritants as:
Being e-mailed by people who sit a few feet away (85%)
People who listen to voicemails on speaker phone (75%)
People who swear at their computers (68%)
Colleagues’choice of radio station (68%)
Colleagues who don’t share tea-making duties (60%).
One problem with working close to others is that once you’re sensitised to their irritating idiosyncrasies, things that wouldn’t normally irk you become unbearable. Is so-and-so talking to himself or actually soliciting a reply? Nobody will begrudge you a muttered tirade at Bill Gates if you lose valuable work due to some sudden technological malfunction. It’s when a pattern of disruptive behaviour develops that people begin to harbour malicious thoughts.
Something that affects everyone – your computer network collapsing or the Sheriff of the court arriving to take away all the furniture – warrants some justified, even therapeutic exclamation of dismay. Hitting the wrong key on your keyboard doesn’t.
Habits that drive colleagues round the bend
Talking loudly on the phone;
Asking a colleague how to spell a word – and thereby disrupting their concentration - when every computer on the planet now has a spellchecker;
Talking to yourself or singing to yourself;
Interrupting others' work telephone conversations to make some further suggestions regarding the conversation they're having;
Chipping in to a discussion that strictly speaking has nothing to do with you;
When you’re stressed, assuming everyone else is, and when you’re not, assuming nobody else is either. Perhaps your workload only builds on Monday afternoons, while you have a colleague who has to file a report by midday. Ambling over to chat about the All Blacks and the Springboks can wait. Offering to bring over a cup of tea or to shoulder some of the workload might be better.
Breaking wind. Fumes travel. If your nether regions are noxious, pop some charcoal tablets. They’ll make the gas disappear quicker than Saddam’s WMDs;
Use of resources: if you print out a 60-page document, make sure the printer tray is still at least half-full;
Commenting on private calls or conversations. if you have a colleague who’s fighting with his girlfriend over the phone, commiserating with him after the call means you were listening in. Even if you overheard it unintentionally, pretend to be elsewhere. Saying “Ah, chicks! Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em!” might not get you punched on the snout or even told to mind your own business, but it might rankle, not just him, but the other chicks in the office. If your colleague wants to talk about it, he will. Similarly, if you’re in someone’s workspace and they have a phone call, at least offer to leave. It affords them the option of telling the caller “I’m in a meeting, can I call you back?”
Cleanliness. if your office has a communal kitchen, leave it cleaner than you found it. The same applies to meeting rooms or boardroom tables, which may be strewn with cups and sugar packets after meetings. Gathering up the detritus together will probably take about 20 seconds.
Respect privacy. Some people wear headphones to mask off the noise around them. Some of the headphones are even switched off a lot of the time, but the fact that the wearer has them on may at least stop people from asking them how to spell “pharmacopoeia” every four minutes.
Is all this tiptoeing around your colleagues a waste of time? Surely people must just learn to deal with lack of privacy and personal space? Surely all this pickiness warrants a retort like, “Oh, deal with it”?
Well, perhaps. But the Office Angels survey yielded some surprising results about people who behave badly in the office. Nearly 70% of those polled said they were more likely to gossip about people who indulged in loud personal phone calls. Around the same percentage felt that considerate colleagues deserved promotion and supported their advancement.
Perhaps the strongest advice is honesty. Rather than developing a tension headache and plotting to burn your colleague’s car because he punctuates his day with bursts of, “Oh chuck-a-chunk, break-it-down…” maybe it’s time for a one-on-one chat about honing his talents as a rapper at the office. (William Smook)
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Timewasters Anonymous
It's annoying when you are "lenient" with someone, empathetic towards their situation, and they take advantage of that.
Every week the receptionist sits during lunch for one of us, in rotation. Today, the receptionist was to do lunch-duty in my place. She asked me if I would sit for her for 5mins just for her to get “a bite to eat”. I agreed, but at 13:00, hbbm asked me to do some emails. That took about 5minutes, and I came back and the receptionist hadn’t even stopped working ready to go out. I asked her whether she’d gone out yet and she said she hadn’t, so I said I was ready to listen. That was at 13:10. She only LEFT at about 13:15, and came back not 5mins later, 15 minutes later. G had been waiting outside for 15mins already when I got out at 13:30.
She is really one for taking advantage. She came late yesterday. She didn’t phone anybody. First I hear of it was when the door buzzer went and I thought to myself ‘that’s strange someone buzzing the door before 8:30’. I looked at my watch – “SHIT it was 8:35! Where is this lady??!!” So I opened the switchboard, and phoned the typist to hear if she’d been notified by the receptionist that she was late. She said that the boss hadn’t mentioned anything, and that she’d spoken to her about it already. As I finished speaking to the typist, the switchboard rang, and it was this lady. She was stuck in traffic it town and would be late. She only phoned at 8:40. She phoned the SWITCHBOARD. I asked her if I could put her through to one of the bosses cos she’s supposed to inform one of them, but she hung up on me.
I was very annoyed at that stage. When she got in, I was busy typing emails for hbbm, and only afterwards was I able to have a word with her about LETTING A BOSS & 1 OTHER STAND-IN PERSON KNOW that she is late. Even if she is only POSSIBLY going to be late. As long as someone knows that, they can open the switchboard in time. She argued about that saying she couldn’t phone before 8:30 cos the switchboard was closed, so I “reminded” her that the message on the voicemail says ‘welcome, our office hours are... if you know the extension dial it now or leave a message...’ so she “could have spoken to anyone in the whole company”. “oh”. Hopefully THIS TIME it will have sunk in!!
Anyway, where was I... yes, lunch time today. G was patiently waiting outside for me and we took a stroll down to a coffee shop nearby. Sat down and someone from another table passed us menus ‘else you’ll wait ages’. After a while, a waitress came to take our order: 1 cappuccino, 1 hot chocolate. She disappeared somewhere. Another waitress came past and asked what we wanted. Repeated our order. After a while the first waitress came back and said “erm, you wanted a cappuccino and a....?”
After about 20minutes, we got our cappuccino and hot chocolate. Slurped it down in about 5 minutes (because I only had 15mins left once we’d got the drinks). Sat waiting for 5mins, then a waiter took away our cups. Waited another 2minutes before we saw “our” waitress again. She served someone, joked with him, and went back into the coffee shop, all the time with her back to us. We waited another 3 minutes until she came back to serve the same person, and once again she kept her back towards us. She was about to disappear back indoors when G proclaimed “scuse me... SCUSEME!!” and the other customer called her too. G gave her the money and we left. We weren’t going to wait for her to prepare a bill for us.
The coffee shop in question:
Every week the receptionist sits during lunch for one of us, in rotation. Today, the receptionist was to do lunch-duty in my place. She asked me if I would sit for her for 5mins just for her to get “a bite to eat”. I agreed, but at 13:00, hbbm asked me to do some emails. That took about 5minutes, and I came back and the receptionist hadn’t even stopped working ready to go out. I asked her whether she’d gone out yet and she said she hadn’t, so I said I was ready to listen. That was at 13:10. She only LEFT at about 13:15, and came back not 5mins later, 15 minutes later. G had been waiting outside for 15mins already when I got out at 13:30.
She is really one for taking advantage. She came late yesterday. She didn’t phone anybody. First I hear of it was when the door buzzer went and I thought to myself ‘that’s strange someone buzzing the door before 8:30’. I looked at my watch – “SHIT it was 8:35! Where is this lady??!!” So I opened the switchboard, and phoned the typist to hear if she’d been notified by the receptionist that she was late. She said that the boss hadn’t mentioned anything, and that she’d spoken to her about it already. As I finished speaking to the typist, the switchboard rang, and it was this lady. She was stuck in traffic it town and would be late. She only phoned at 8:40. She phoned the SWITCHBOARD. I asked her if I could put her through to one of the bosses cos she’s supposed to inform one of them, but she hung up on me.
I was very annoyed at that stage. When she got in, I was busy typing emails for hbbm, and only afterwards was I able to have a word with her about LETTING A BOSS & 1 OTHER STAND-IN PERSON KNOW that she is late. Even if she is only POSSIBLY going to be late. As long as someone knows that, they can open the switchboard in time. She argued about that saying she couldn’t phone before 8:30 cos the switchboard was closed, so I “reminded” her that the message on the voicemail says ‘welcome, our office hours are... if you know the extension dial it now or leave a message...’ so she “could have spoken to anyone in the whole company”. “oh”. Hopefully THIS TIME it will have sunk in!!
Anyway, where was I... yes, lunch time today. G was patiently waiting outside for me and we took a stroll down to a coffee shop nearby. Sat down and someone from another table passed us menus ‘else you’ll wait ages’. After a while, a waitress came to take our order: 1 cappuccino, 1 hot chocolate. She disappeared somewhere. Another waitress came past and asked what we wanted. Repeated our order. After a while the first waitress came back and said “erm, you wanted a cappuccino and a....?”
After about 20minutes, we got our cappuccino and hot chocolate. Slurped it down in about 5 minutes (because I only had 15mins left once we’d got the drinks). Sat waiting for 5mins, then a waiter took away our cups. Waited another 2minutes before we saw “our” waitress again. She served someone, joked with him, and went back into the coffee shop, all the time with her back to us. We waited another 3 minutes until she came back to serve the same person, and once again she kept her back towards us. She was about to disappear back indoors when G proclaimed “scuse me... SCUSEME!!” and the other customer called her too. G gave her the money and we left. We weren’t going to wait for her to prepare a bill for us.
The coffee shop in question:
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
NEARLY done with Part I
Warpony - the first half, the right half, the face half is NEARLY done!
I'm a bit too tired now to carry on and finish it. It's just past 1am. G's up late, working on something for tomorrow. I was stitching while he worked but I'm sleepy now hehe.
Just a few last confetti-stitches left, as you can see in the pic.
.JPG)
I'm a bit too tired now to carry on and finish it. It's just past 1am. G's up late, working on something for tomorrow. I was stitching while he worked but I'm sleepy now hehe.
Just a few last confetti-stitches left, as you can see in the pic.
.JPG)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)