Damn it!

Damn everything!

Damn everything ever! Damn it!

I hate work. I started enjoying it but it turns out it's shit. Bloody personal shit, like calling medical aid and getting stuff pre-authorised or finding out why they don't pay for something they did before. What the fuck does wifeykins do at home all day that SHE can't phone?! *I* have to phone MY medical aid when *I* have a query! It's MY medical aid MY problem. Damn it! Bosses' wives BLEH! Bloody lazy asses! Personal shit! Bugger it all!

I hate things damn it! I'm so FED UP with shit always. It's quiet at home. Routine and stable, the moment you have any interactions with anyone or anything, it turns shit. I'm tired from work shit. I can't deal with stuff like that now. I can't solve it. Problems I CAN'T SOLVE! Damn it, I'm not qualified to sort that out! There's nothing I can do to FIX things. I want to fix things. I can't fix anything. I can't do anything. She argues and goes off about things, I can't argue with her. She has a reason. I can't stop her having a reason. I can't FIX what she's angry about. I can't fix it.

I can't just BE, with you. Can't just, have a cup of coffee with you. We can't hang out together. It's always the same. I can't explain why, because it ends up that we argue the same way she and you argue. I can't talk to you because we would argue. I don't want to. But I can't just *be* with you, it exhausts me and drains me out completely. I want to. It's so simple. But it's too complicated, everything's too complicated that's why you can't ever just BE. I can't fix that. I can't. I can't be your self-esteem, I can't fix you.

I can't.

I want you to be fine. I can't fix it.